Being Gay in the 80's

The 80's presented lots of challenges for the gay community - the worse was the intrusion of AIDS. Even though this was an extremely sad and difficulty time for us it was also a time that helped our community grow stronger. We all lost friends during this time and I think it is important that we continue to work on gaining our rights for them. I attended college in the 80's, met my husband in the 80's and came out to family and friends in the 80's. Lets see what changes our community experienced during this decade.

Rock Hudson

1980

• Aaron Fricke takes Paul Guilbert to his high school prom after winning a lawsuit against the school.
• The United States Democratic Party becomes the first major political party in the U.S. to endorse a homosexual rights platform plank.
• Scotland decriminalizes homosexuality.
• David McReynolds becomes the first openly LGBT individual to run for President of the United States, appearing on the Socialist Party U S A ticket.
• The Human Rights Campaign Fund is founded by Steve Endean; The Human Rights Campaign is America’s largest civil rights organization working to achieve lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality.

1981

• The European Court of Human Rights in Dudgeon v. United Kingdom strikes down Northern Ireland's criminalisation of homosexual acts between consenting adults, leading to Northern Ireland decriminalising homosexual sex the following year.
• Victoria (Australia) and Colombia decriminalize homosexuality with a uniform age of consent.
• The Moral Majority starts its anti-homosexual crusade.
• Norway becomes the first country in the world to enact a law to prevent discrimination against homosexuals.
• Hong Kong's first sex-change operation is performed. 
• The first official documentation of the condition to be known as AIDS was published by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) on June 5.
• Tennis player Billie Jean King became the first prominent professional athlete to come out as a lesbian, when her relationship with her secretary Marilyn Barnett became public in a May "palimony" lawsuit filed by Barnett. Due to this she lost all of her endorsements.
• Mary C. Morgan became the first openly gay or lesbian judge in America when she was appointed by California Governor Jerry Brown to the San Francisco Municipal Court.
• "Torch Song Trilogy" premieres on Broadway in New York City.
• The New York City Gay Men's Chorus becomes the first openly gay musical group to play Carnegie Hall.
• An August issue of "The Advocate" suggests a 'gay cancer' may be beginning.  36 gay men have been diagnosed with Karposi's sarcoma. The article reports that butyl nitrite (poppers) as the most likely culprit of the disease.
• The Department of Defense adopts a new ban on gays and lesbians, eliminating loopholes that allowed some to stay in the military.
• Timothy Curran, 19, of Florida files a lawsuit against the Boy Scouts of America for ousting him because of his homosexuality.
• 10,000 gather in Paris, the largest gay demonstartion in Europe, to protest the World Health Organization's classification of homosexuality as an illness.
• The Gay Men's Chorus of Washington D.C. is founded.

1982

• Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) founded.
• Gay Men’s Health Crisis formed.
• Laguna Beach, CA elects the first openly gay mayor in United States history.
• The first Gay Games is held in San Francisco, attracting 1,600 participants.
• Northern Ireland decriminalizes homosexuality.
• Wisconsin becomes the first US state to ban discrimination against homosexuals.
• New South Wales becomes the first Australian state to outlaw discrimination on the basis of actual or perceived homosexuality.
• The condition to be known as AIDS had acquired a number of names – GRID5 (gay-related immune deficiency), ‘gay cancer’, ‘community-acquired immune dysfunction’ and ‘gay compromise syndrome’. The CDC used the term AIDS for the first time in September, when it reported that an average of one to two cases of AIDS were being diagnosed in America every day.
• The Ten Percent Society becomes the first gay rights organization in North Dakota.
• "Making Love" (with Kate Jackson) is the first major studio release of a gay-themed film.

1983

• Massachusetts Representative Gerry Studds reveals he is gay on the floor of the House, becoming the first openly gay member of Congress. He wins reelection for the next 4 terms.
• Guernsey (Including Alderney, Herm and Sark) decriminalizes homosexuality.
• Portugal decriminalizes homosexuality for the third time in its history.
• AIDS is described as a "gay plague" by Reverend Jerry Falwell.
• People with AIDS gather at the 5th National Lesbian/Gay Health Conference.
• Sharon Kowalski, a Minnesota lesbian is paralyzed when her car is struck by a drunk driver.  The guardianship battle between Kowalski's parents and her lover Karen Thompson mobilizes the community.  8 years later in 1991, Thompson wins custody.

• MAP (Minnesota AIDS Project) is founded by a small group of dedicated volunteers.

1984

• Berkeley (CA) becomes first U.S. city to extend domestic partnership benefits to lesbian and gay employees.
• San Francisco Department of Public Health closes the city’s bathhouses.
• The lesbian and gay association "Ten Percent Club" is formed in Hong Kong.
• Massachusetts voters reelect representative Gerry Studds, despite his revealing himself as homosexual the year before.
• New South Wales and the Northern Territory in Australia make homosexual acts legal.
• Chris Smith, newly elected to the UK parliament declares: "My name is Chris Smith. I'm the Labour MP for Islington South and Finsbury, and I'm gay", making him the first openly out homosexual politician in the UK parliament.
• The Argentine Homosexual Community (Comunidad Homosexual Argentina, CHA) is formed uniting several different and preexisting groups.
• West Hollywood, CA is founded and becomes the first known city to elect a city council where a majority of the members are openly gay or lesbian.
• Reconstructionist Judaism became the first Jewish denomination to allow openly lesbian rabbis and cantors.
• American researchers announce the discovery of HTLV-3 shortly after French scientists claim that AIDS is caused by LAV. The viruses turn out to be the same, later called HIV.
• Over 100,000 march in San Francisco on the eve of the Democratic convention. All candidates, except John Glenn, support gay rights. Ronald Reagan is reelected.

1985

• First school for openly lesbian and gay teenagers opens in New York City (Harvey Milk School).
• Rock Hudson comes out, admits he has AIDS.
• France prohibits discrimination based on lifestyle (moeurs) in employment and services.
• The first memorial to gay Holocaust victims is dedicated.
• Belgium equalizes the age of consent;.
• The Restoration Church of Jesus Christ (the Gay Mormon Church) is founded by Antonio A. Feliz.
• The Reconstructionist Rabbinical College ordained Deborah Brin as the first openly gay or lesbian rabbi in Judaism.
• The Bisexual Resource Center (BRC) in Massachusetts has served the bisexual community since 1985.
• "The Times of Harvey Milk" wins the Academy Award for Best Feature Length Documentary.  
• "As Is" opened at New York's Circle Repertory Theatre.  It would be nominated for 3 Tony Awards.
• President Ronald Reagan says the word "AIDS" for the first time publicly. More then 2,000 people attend the first international conference on AIDS in Atlanta.
• Dan White, free from prison for one year, commits suicide.
• Actor Rock Hudson dies of AIDS-related complications.  Four years later, a jury awards one of his ex-lovers almost $22 million. The award is later reduced.

1986

• Homosexual Law Reform Act passed in New Zealand, legalizing sex between males over 16.
• Haiti decriminalizes homosexuality.
• June in Bowers v. Hardwick case, U.S. Supreme Court upholds Georgia law forbidding oral or anal sex, ruling that the constitutional right to privacy does not extend to homosexual relations, but it does not state whether the law can be enforced against heterosexuals.
• Becky Smith and Annie Afleck became the first openly lesbian couple in America granted legal, joint adoption of a child.
• From May 1 to 3, the ILGA Asia Conference took place in Japan's capital Tokyo.
• William Hurt wins the Best Actor Oscar for his (gay) role in "Kiss of the Spider Woman".
• The Justice Department says in a policy statement that fear of contagion may be an acceptable reason for AIDS-based employment bias.
• The Supreme Court relies on the Bible to uphold the right of states to outlaw consensual gay sex in private.
• California voters reject an initiative to quarantine people with AIDS by a margin of 71% to 29%.
• The Vatican issues a letter that banishes Dignity, a gay catholic group from church property.

1987

• Second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.
• AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT-UP) founded in the US in response to the US government’s slow response in dealing with the AIDS crisis.
• ACT UP stages its first major demonstration, seventeen protesters are arrested.
• U.S. Congressman Barney Frank comes out.
• Boulder, CO citizens pass the first referendum to ban discrimination based on sexual orientation.
• In New York City a group of Bisexual LGBT rights activist including Brenda Howard found the New York Area Bisexual Network (NYABN).
• Homomonument, a memorial to persecuted homosexuals, opens in Amsterdam.
• David Norris is the first openly gay person to be elected to public office in the Republic of Ireland.
• Liberace passed away of AIDS-related complications at age 67 in Palm Springs on February 4.
• The First Display of the NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt in Washington DC included 1,920 panels.
• President Reagan appoints a national AIDS commission that includes one gay man and several homophobes. Surprisingly, the group makes intelligent recommendations that the Administration ignores.
• The FDA approves AZT, the first AIDS antiviral.  The drug carries a high price and severe side effects.

1988

• Sweden is the first country to pass laws protecting homosexual regarding social services, taxes, and inheritances.
• Belize and Israel decriminalize (de jure) sodomy and sexual acts between men (the relevant section in the old British-mandate law from 1936 was never enforced in Israel).
• After losing an Irish High Court case (1980) and an Irish Supreme Court case (1983), David Norris takes his case (Norris v. Ireland) to the European Court of Human Rights. The European Court strikes down the Irish law criminalising male-to-male sex on the grounds of privacy.
• Stacy Offner became the first openly lesbian rabbi hired by a mainstream Jewish congregation, Shir Tikvah Congregation of Minneapolis (a Reform Jewish congregation).
• In Washington DC, Georgetown University losses an eight year legal battle to avoid providing facilities and financial support to gay organizations on campus.
• "Divine" (Harris Glenn Milstead) dies of a heart attack at age 42. Divine starred in such films as "Polyester" and "Hairspray".
• The Second Display of the NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt in Washington DC included 8,288 panels.
• The First National "Coming Out Day" is celebrated on October 11.
• Presidential nominee Michael Dukakis institutes an antigay foster-parenting policy in Massachusetts.
• AIDS activists culminate in a daylong takeover of the FDA building in Washington DC.
• The Aurora Lesbian Center is founded in Duluth, Minnesota. Members would march in the 1993 Duluth St. Patrick's Day Parade.
• A court of appeals upholds the conviction of an HIV-positive Minnesota prisoner who was found guilty of assault with a deadly weapon for biting two prison guards in a struggle.

1989

• Jazz musician Billy Tipton dies and is revealed to be FTM.
• Western Australia decriminalizes male homosexuality (but the age of consent is set at 21).
• Liechtenstein legalizes homosexuality.
• Denmark is the first country in the world to enact registered partnership laws (like a civil union) for same-sex couples, with most of the same rights as marriage (excluding the right to adoption (until June 2010) and the right to marriage in a church).
• Robert Mapplethorpe dies of AIDS in Boston on March 9. He was 42.
• ACT-UP members disrupt Sunday mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City. 
• The Third Display of the NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt in Washington DC.

AIDS Memorial Quilt

More and more progress is made and it makes things easier for us to come out. The journey for our community has been full of ups and downs but it is making us stronger and bringer us together. For the first time in my life I feel like I have support and I have people I can talk to about being gay without fear of judgement or condemnation. We explore the 90's tomorrow.

Being Gay in the 70's

Yesterday we spent time in the 60's and learned a little about the gay rights movement. Today we move into the 70's to see how things progressed. The 70's were my coming of age years. This is when I realized I was gay and when I graduated from high school. I was still in the closet and scared to death of being found out. Let's see how our community handled this era.

"Burst down those closet doors once and for all, and stand up and start to fight."     ~Harvey Milk

1970

• Unitarian Universalist Association becomes first U.S. mainstream religious group to recognize LGBT clergy and laity within its ranks and to demand an end to anti-gay discrimination.
• The Vatican issues a statement reiterating that homosexuality is a moral aberration.
• The first Gay Liberation Day March is held in New York City.
• The first LGBT Pride Parade is held in New York.
• The film version of Mart Crowley's popular Broadway play "The Boys in the Band" premieres.  The film is one of the earliest to deal with homosexuality as the main topic.

1971

• Society Five (a homosexual rights organization) is formed in Melbourne, Australia.
• Homosexuality is decriminalized in Austria, Costa Rica and Finland.
• Colorado and Oregon repeal sodomy laws; Idaho repeals the sodomy law — Then re-instates the repealed sodomy law because of outrage among Mormons and Catholics.
• The Netherlands changes the homosexual age of consent to 16, the same as the straight age of consent.
• Dr. Frank Kameny becomes the first openly gay candidate for the United States Congress.
• George Klippert, the last man jailed for homosexuality in Canada, is released from prison.
• Jack Baker, 29,an openly gay law student at the University of Minnesota is elected student body president.  Baker and his lover, librarian James McConnell, also 29, unsuccessfully sue for a marriage license. They legalize their relationship when a judge allows McConnell to adopt Baker.
• The Los Angeles Gay Community Services Center opens.

1972

• East Lansing, Michigan, becomes first city to ban anti-gay bias in city hiring.
• The Rev. William R. Johnson became the first openly gay minister to be ordained in the United Church of Christ.
• Sweden becomes first country in the world to allow transsexuals to legally change their sex, and provides free hormone therapy.
• Hawaii legalizes homosexuality.
• Norway decriminalizes homosexuality.
• East Lansing, Michigan and Ann Arbor, Michigan and San Francisco, California become the first cities in United States to pass a homosexual rights ordinance.
• Jim Foster, San Francisco and Madeline Davis, Buffalo, New York, first gay and lesbian delegates to the Democratic Convention, Miami.
• "Stonewall Nation" first gay anthem is written and recorded by Madeline Davis and is produced on 45 rpm record by the Mattachine Society of the Niagara Frontier.
• Jeanne Manford marched with her gay son in New York's Pride Day parade. This was the beginning of PFLAG - Parents Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.
• Nancy Wechsler became the first openly gay or lesbian person in political office in America; she was elected to the Ann Arbor City Council as a member of the Human Rights Party and came out as a lesbian during her first and only term there.
• Freda Smith became the first openly lesbian minister in the Metropolitan Community Church (she was also their first female minister).
• Minnesota State Senator Allan Spear is elected.  He "comes out" in 1974.  Spear then serves 6 consecutive terms.
• Democratic presidential candidate George McGovern endorses gay rights.  He is denounced by party stalwarts.
• "That Certain Summer" a television portrayal of homosexuality shows an American housewife (Hope Lange) losing her husband (Hal Holbrook) to a young artist (Martin Sheen).

1973

• The American Psychiatric Association removes homosexuality from its DSM-II Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, based largely on the research and advocacy of Evelyn Hooker.
• Malta legalizes homosexuality.
• In West Germany, the age of consent is reduced for homosexuals to 18 (though it is 14 for heterosexuals).
• New York City Parents of Gays holds its first meeting.  Nearly 20 people gathered in a Methodist church in Greenwich Village. Eight years later, with about 20 independent support groups nationwide, the group officially organizes as the national group Parents-FLAG.

1974

• Ohio Supreme Court rules that even though homosexuality is legal, the state can refuse to incorporate a gay organization because “the promotion of homosexuality as a valid life style is contrary to the public policy of the state.”
• Kathy Kozachenko becomes the first openly gay American elected to public office when she wins a seat on the Ann Arbor, Michigan city council.
• Elaine Noble becomes the second openly gay American elected to public office when she wins a seat in the Massachusetts State House.
• Inspired by Noble, Minnesotta state legislator Allan Spear comes out in a newspaper interview.
  Ohio repeals sodomy laws.
• Robert Grant founds American Christian Cause to oppose the "gay agenda", the beginning of modern Christian politics in America.

1975

• U.S. Civil Service Commission stops banning gay men and lesbians from federal jobs.
• Homosexuality is legalized in California due to the Consenting Adult Sex Bill, authored by and successfully lobbied for in the state legislature by State Assemblyman from San Francisco Willie Brown.
• South Australia becomes the first state in Australia to make homosexuality legal between consenting adults in private.
• Panama is the second country in the world to allow transsexuals who have gone through gender reassignment surgery to get their personal documents reflecting their new sex.
• Sergeant Leonard Matlovich appears on the cover of TIME with the words "I am a Homosexual" across his chest.  After a 5 year battle with the military, he accepts $160,000 and a promotion to the rank of Captain.  He will later die of AIDS-related complications.
• Pro-football player David Kopay becomes the first major league athlete to come out as gay.
• Pennsylvania Governor Milton Shapp signs an executive order banning antigay discrimination in state employment.

1976

• Tales of the City published by the “San Francisco Chronicle,“ includes LGB and T characters.
• San Francisco Bisexual Center opens.
• Robert Grant founds the Christian Voice to take his anti-homosexual-rights crusade national in United States.
• Out Minnesota state legislator Allan Spear is reelected; and Denmark equalizes the age of consent.
• Pope Paul VI publicly denied that he was a homosexual.
• The owner of a New Jersey dinner theater canceled "The Boys in the Band" after he learned it was about homosexuality.
• Presidential candidate Jimmy Carter announced that if he were elected he would issue executive orders banning discrimination against gays and lesbians in the military, housing, employment, and immigration.

1977

• The Rev. Anne Holmes became the first openly lesbian minister to be ordained in the United Church of Christ.
• 80% of surveyed Oregon doctors say they would refuse to treat a known homosexual.
• Arkansas recriminalizes gay sex after two years without such a law.
• Harvey Milk is elected city-county supervisor in San Francisco, becoming the fifth out American elected to public office. 
• Quebec becomes the first jurisdiction larger than a city or county in the world to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation in the public and private sectors.
• Croatia, Montenegro, Slovenia and Vojvodina; legalise homosexuality.
• Publication of the first issue of Gaysweek, NYC's first mainstream gay weekly.
• Police raid a house outside of Boston outraging the gay community. In response the Boston-Boise Committee is formed, which would lead to the founding of NAMBLA.
• Ellen Barrett became the first openly lesbian priest ordained by the Episcopal Church of the United States (serving the Diocese of New York).
• The first lesbian mystery novel in America was published; it was Angel Dance, by Mary F. Beal.
• The National Center for Lesbian Rights was founded.
• Just 8 years after the Stonewall Riots, Studio 54 Opens in New York City.   The nightclub would become famous as the place to go for celebrities, drugs, gays, straights and everything in between.
• "Dancing Queen" by ABBA hits #1 on the pop singles chart.
• Gospel singing Florida orange juice queen Anita Bryant forms "Save Our Children Inc." against the gay movement.   Bryant, intending to take her campaign national retreats after she encounters gay protesters at every stop and a "pie in the face" in Des Moines, Iowa.
• The Liberace Museum opens in Las Vegas.

1978

• San Francisco Supervisor Harvey Milk and Mayor George Moscone are assassinated by former Supervisor Dan White.
• The first Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras is held, with 2000 people attending and 53 subsequently arrested and some seriously beaten by police.
• The rainbow flag is first used as a symbol of homosexual pride.
• The International Lesbian and Gay Association (ILGA) is established.
• Robin Tyler became the first out lesbian on U.S. national television, appearing on a Showtime comedy special hosted by Phyllis Diller. The same year she released her comedy album, Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Groom, the first comedy album by an out lesbian.

1979

• The first national homosexual rights march on Washington, DC is held.
• Harry Hay issues the first call for a Radical Faerie gathering in Arizona.
• Cuba and Spain decriminalize homosexuality.
• A number of people in Sweden called in sick with a case of being homosexual, in protest of homosexuality being classified as an illness. This was followed by an activist occupation of the main office of the National Board of Health and Welfare. Within a few months, Sweden became the first country in the world to remove homosexuality as an illness.
• The New York Times runs a front page story showing six men being executed by firing squad in Iran for homosexuality.
• The "White Night" Riots at City Hall, San Francisco follow the verdict of Harvey Milk killer Dan White's 5 to 8 year manslaughter sentence.  The 5,000 person march turns violent as police vehicles are overturned and set on fire.  Later in the evening, police retaliate in the Castro neighborhood, arresting and beating gay men. 
• 4,000 people gather for a peaceful celebration of Harvey Milk's 49th birthday on May 22.

Original Gay Pride Flag

 The 70's saw a lot of action within the gay community, some good and some bad but there was still change. We are seeing positive results since the Stonewall Riots and we have a lot of people to thank for working so hard to make our lives easier. We will continue into the 80's tomorrow.

Being Gay in the 60's

Let's go back and take a look at gay history through the decades beginning with the 1960's. I am starting with this decade for two reasons - 1. I was born in 1961 so I felt that I wanted to learn more about what was happening as I came into this world and 2. The gay rights movement really began during this decade with the Stonewall Riots. So lets see what was happening with our community during the 'Swinging Sixties'.

1960

• San Francisco's Daughters of Bilitis hold the first U.S. public gathering of lesbians.
• The Homosexual Law Reform Society (HLRS) holds its first public meeting in London with over 1000 attendees.

1961

• First openly gay person runs for public office in the U.S. (Jose Sarria [a drag queen] runs for San Francisco Board of Supervisors).
• Czechoslovakia and Hungary decriminalize sodomy.
• The Rejected, the first documentary is televised on KQED in San Francisco on September 11.

1962

• Illinois becomes the first U.S. state to remove sodomy law from its criminal code.

1963

• Israel decriminalizes de-facto sodomy and sexual acts between men by judicial decision against the enforcement of the relevant section in the old British-mandate law from 1936 (which in fact was never enforced).

1964

• Canada has its first gay-positive organization - ASK, and its first gay magazines - ASK Newsletter (Vancouver) and Gay (Toronto).
• Life magazine runs a positive cover story on "Homosexuality in America".

1965

• Everett George Klippert is imprisoned in Canada for homosexuality (arrested for private, consensual sex with men).
• Conservatively dressed gays and lesbians demonstrate outside Independence Hall in Philadelpha on July 4.

1966

• The National Planning Conference of Homophile Organizations is established.
• The Mattachine Society stages a "Sip-In" at Julius Bar in New York City challenging a New York State Liquor Authority prohibiting serving alcohol to gays.
• First U.S. gay community center opens, in San Francisco.
• First transgender public uprising at San Francisco’s Compton’s Cafeteria.

1967

• In September, The first issue of "The Advocate" sells out all 300 12-page copies.
• Oscar Wilde Bookshop, the world's first gay and lesbian bookstore, opens in New York City.
• The Black Cat Tavern in Los Angeles is raided on New Year's day by 12 plainclothes police officers who beat and arrested employees and patrons. The raid prompted a series of protests that began on January 5, organized by P.R.I.D.E. (Personal Rights in Defense and Education). It's the first use of the term "Pride" that came to be associated with LGBT rights.
• England and Wales legalize male homosexuality as long as both men are 21.
• Chad decriminalizes homosexuality.

1968

• Reverend Troy Perry starts the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) in Los Angeles with a group of about 12 people.
  In Houston Texas, several lesbians are arrested on charges of cross-dressing because they were wearing fly-front pants.
• Paragraph 175 is eased in East Germany decriminalizing homosexual acts over the age of 18.
  Bulgaria decriminalizes adult homosexual relations.
• The American Psychiatric Association moves homosexuality from “sociopathic” category to “sexual deviation”.

1969

• Homosexual behavior legalized in Canada.
  FREE, first gay student group formed in the U.S.
  Bill C-150 is passed, decriminalizing homosexuality in Canada.
  On December 31, the Cockettes perform for the first time at the Palace Theatre on Union and Columbus in the North Beach neighborhood of San Francisco.
  National Institute of Mental Health study chaired by Dr. Evelyn Hooker urges decriminalization of private sex acts between consenting adults.
• At the Stonewall Inn on Christopher Street around 3am, the Stonewall Riots begin in New York City's Greenwich Village. The event is not reported in TIME & Newsweek until October of 1969.

The Sixties brought a lot of change for the gay community and I for one am thankful to all the people who stood up for themselves. It has really made things so much easier for us today. And I would hope that they are proud of what we have continued to do for gay rights. Tomorrow I move into the 70's.

What Is Gay Pride . . . To Me?

I recently read that gay pride is about visibility and I wholeheartedly agree with that statement. Therefore, we have parades, rallies, film festivals and more to make ourselves heard and seen. This is gay pride on a big scale and I think it is fantastic. It lets 'the others' know we are here and absolutely nothing they do or say can make us disappear. But I feel we can also show our pride on a small scale that can make just as big of an impact as the parades.

For me, my gay pride started when I first came out. It was slow at first and I only told a few people (one by one). Each time I talked with someone about being gay I gained more confidence and self acceptance. Literally my pride in who I was as a gay male began to expand. It started with a couple of friends and family who I felt I could trust. That lead to more confidence and then that gave me the strength and pride to talk with other friends and family. Eventually I felt that I could tell anyone I met that I was gay. Now I take pride in being gay - it is who I AM, not who I choose to be. When someone asks if I am married I say yes (Thomas and I have been together for 23 years and we were married in Massachusetts back in 2004) and make sure to let them know that I am married to a man. I no longer hide or try and make excuses - I speak and live the truth - and that gives me power and pride. Each time I choose to answer questions honestly and directly I embody gay pride. It lets people know I am not ashamed or embarrassed.

All the parades and rallies really help us with equality but I feel that each small step we take makes just as much of a difference. Each person we talk to about our sexuality and each time we choose to be honest spews forth gay pride and I believe that those one on one talks can leave a deeper impact as to who we are as gay members of society. So during this pride month (and hopefully throughout the year) talk to people - friends, family, coworkers, the person in the seat next to you on a plane, anyone you meet that wants to talk. Let them know you are proud of who you are - each and every day. I am sure that each and everyone has their own version of gay pride and I hope that you are expressing it.

Me - The 'Gay' Me

Today is the second day of Gay Pride Month and it is my birthday. So I decided to write about me - the 'Gay' me. Saying that feels really weird because I actually feel 'normal' compared with everyone else on earth. It is just the fact that I am attracted to men that makes me different. Now here is my story.

This is my 52nd birthday and things from my youth still play a prominent role in my everyday life. For the past few weeks I have been thinking about a lot of things and why I can't get them out of my head. It amazes me how when something happens now my head will fill with memories from my childhood and totally devastate me. I have tried counseling and it helps for a while but my subconscious still gets the best of me at times. Reality tells me that the things I am thinking really aren't true but my entire being embraces it as true. Let's go back in time and reminisce.

1962

I was born in Lafayette, Louisiana in 1961, I was raised Catholic, and my family really didn't 'talk about certain things. Some things I remember about my early childhood are my Dad making comments about 'Queers' on TV and one of my Aunts (who happens to be a lesbian) calling me sissy. There was also no encouragement for anything that I liked doing. I loved to draw and I loved music (I can't sing but I did play a couple of instruments), I also loved reading and school.

1965

What I remember about these things is being told my grades weren't good enough (even though I usually made A's & B's), I had no rhythm and when I played my instruments I was just making noise, and that drawing was a waste of time. As I grew older I just felt that I couldn't do anything right because no matter what I did my Dad seemed to find the flaws. This lead me to critique everything I did. The critique was always picking out the errors and then trying to fix them (literally I tried to make everything exactly perfect).

1967

Unfortunately no matter what I did the flaws were still found and pointed out to me. I remember crying myself to sleep trying to figure out why I was so stupid and incompetent. I was still pretty young at this time so I didn't have feelings about men or being gay. Except for one. My Dad had a friend (I think his name was Richard and he worked for the phone company) who would visit and I do remember that I liked being around him. Nothing ever happened and I know I wasn't having any sexual feelings about him but I now realize this was probably one of the first clues that I was gay.

As I got older and really noticed that the other boys were talking about girls I realized I could care less about any of that.

1974

Finally my brain synapses connected and I put two and two together. I was more interested in boys and that made me one of those 'Queers' that my Dad made jokes about. All of this totally freaked me out, what if people knew I had these feelings (and I suspected that some did since my Aunt was already calling me sissy). I then went into trying to fix the flaws so that no one would know and that made things worse. Getting involved with sports was a disaster and pretending to like girls just felt awkward. Life went on and my thoughts and emotions were at constant battle. So I kept pretending and failing and worrying. In high school I really tried to hide my sexuality but I was only fooling myself. This fact was confirmed by the constant name calling and being beat up in the locker room after PE or after tennis practice. To this day I don't know what I did that upset the guys so much that they felt belittling me was necessary. I can honestly tell you that I never tried anything with any guy during this time - I never even looked at any of the other guys so that they wouldn't think I was checking them out. Most of the time I wouldn't even take a shower, I would just change and try to get out of the locker room to avoid any of the unpleasant name calling or beatings. I am sure that lots of people thought I was the most disgusting smelly person in school.

1979

Being raised in southern Louisiana contributed to my fear of being gay and it affected lots of young men the same way. I graduated high school with about 350 people in my class. There was always talk that this guy or that guy was gay but I never connected with any of them and it really wasn't anything that was ever proved - it was all just gossip. After high school (years later) people did start coming out but living in Lafayette still didn't allow me to be my true self.

1987

After two years of college and not doing well I quit and just worked. This didn't sit well with me - I really wanted a degree and a career. One year after I quit school I made an appointment with a career counselor at USL (University of Southwestern Louisiana) in Lafayette - it is now the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. I took some different test and then did some volunteer work at a local clinic. Eventually I found what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a Physical Therapist. I went back to school and took my prerequisites and started applying to different PT schools in the south. I was accepted by Texas Womans University in Denton, Texas and made a quick decision to go there. I now know that I wanted out of Lafayette so I could try and be myself. Again the encouragement was minimal - the first thing my family said was "Why do you have to move so far away?" instead of congratulations that I was going back to college. Things in Texas got a little better and I didn't perseverate about being gay like I did in high school but I still felt awkward. I was attending a woman's university and men were the minority, so people knew who we were - we stuck out like sore thumbs. So I played it cool (or so I thought) and eventually got my degree. During all this time I never connected with anyone (male or female) for a long term relationship - that could have been because I was really focused on school.

Then it happened, during my last internship I met someone and the majority of my fears dissipated. I had no doubts that this was the person I was supposed to be with - and it was a man. I met Thomas through my clinical instructor (she was Thomas' Mom) at the beginning of my internship. We spent as much time as we could while I was finishing school and somehow we made the decision that we wanted to try and make a relationship out of this. My internship was done in mid December, I then returned to Houston to finalize things at school and then went to Denton to graduate (this was December 1989). For Christmas I returned to Lafayette to spend the holidays with my family and to prepare to move to New Mexico. I didn't even mention Thomas to my family I just told them I was moving to Santa Fe for a job. Again, no encouragement but that didn't stop me. I knew I had to be true to myself and see if this relationship would work.

1990

On December 30, 1989 I arrived in Santa Fe on a snowy evening to begin what has become a 23 year marriage that has really changed my life. Family and friends have been accepting of the relationship (except for one who told me that since we wouldn't be together in heaven we couldn't be friends here on earth) and that has helped and things have gotten better with accepting my sexuality and knowing this is who I really am. Thomas is also a very supportive and encouraging man. He always supports me in whatever I want to do. Unfortunately the demons from my childhood still surface and I have to fight hard to control them - sometimes I win and sometimes the demons win. But I still try and Thomas' love gives me the strength to keep trying to make it all work. I am so glad I took the chance and moved to New Mexico, being gay has its challenges but things are getting better and the amazing changes we are experiencing are encouraging that maybe our gay youth won't have it so hard.

Happy Pride everyone and it really does get better!

2011

Gay Pride Month - June 2013

June is Gay Pride Month and I have decided to try and post something every day this month related to gay pride or gay history. I started with posting the picture at the top of the blog. This picture comes from Kelly at Rambling Along in Life . . . which he posts every year and challenges people to place it on their blogs or other social media for the month.

The advances made in the United States and around the World are encouraging and admirable but we still have a long way to go. The more we talk to people, the more we take pride in who we are, and the more we are 'out' then the easier it will be for people to know we are part of the World and deserve all the rights afforded anyone else. President Obama has made history by embracing gay rights and marriage equality. You can read President Obama's Proclamation for this year's Pride at Towleroad. The progress we are making needs to be credited to all the gays and lesbians who came before us and bravely stood up for who they were. I for one am thankful for their actions. They have allowed me to live openly with my husband for the past 23 years.

Here is to a month (and a lifetime) of Pride - lets honor all the gay heros who came before us by continuing their fight for equality.

Ready to Bloom

Every year I look forward to the blooming of the chollas on our property. They have the most beautiful purple flowers coming off the harsh spiny branches. This morning I was walking around the property and noticed that the chollas are starting to bud. I will be keeping my eyes open for when the buds open so I can get some pictures of the flowers.

Cholla Buds