Thnking Differently

Today was a nice day. This morning I did a few things around the house and then got my stuff ready to go to Albuquerque with friends. Diane and Peggy picked me up sometime after noon and we headed south. We talked along the way about a lot of different things - one which really got me thinking (I'll get to that a little later).

Once we arrived in Albuquerque we did some letterboxing, then went to have a little dinner before going to our book binding class at Papers. It was a great day with friends and the weather was perfect and the class was really good.

But now about that thing that got me thinking. A couple of years ago there was a little incident that happened that changed some things. I know that sounds very vague but the details of the incident aren't really important - what is important is what I feel about it. And what I feel about it is very self conscious. One thing about myself that I don't like very much is my lack of self confidence. I can usually tolerate some criticism but it depends on how it is delivered and under what circumstances. What I can't deal with is negative comments that come up often. It makes me feel stupid and inadequate and then I usually withdraw from whatever I was doing that drew the negative comments. Let me give you an example - you know when you are at a birthday party and it is time to sing Happy Birthday. I have been laughed at and told so many times that my singing is awful and I can't carry a tune. So now I won't dare sing in public, maybe at home or in the privacy of my car. There have been many times in my life when I have been told that I was bad at something or where I was told I was wasting my time doing something so I stopped doing those things. Now don't get me wrong it isn't like I never heard anything positive it is just that for some reason all the negative things override any of the positive things. I also find that I withdraw from people when these things happen. Most of the time I just feel like there is so much to deal with in life that why should I hang around people who I feel make me think bad about myself (not sure if that makes sense) or participating in activities where I am constantly reminded how I don't measure up. I realize I am not perfect and I can't make everyone like me or I can't succeed at everything I do or that all of my actions will win praise but I would like to feel good about myself without withdrawing from things. I am working on that - I am trying to look at all things and find something positive about it and not let it bring me down. I am finding it hard to change my thinking. I have gotten a little better but there are times when things happen and I find myself feeling really bad. The first thing I do is start thinking negative and I have to catch myself and change my thinking. This is something that is important to me - I am tired of feeling that I can't do anything good or positive. I really want to feel like my life is good and that in some way I have contributed something (no matter how small) to this world. And I want to feel good about myself and not self conscious when I am around other people. I want to feel like no matter what I do or say and no matter what comments are generated from them that it is okay. I am working on it, so hopefully soon things will change. I am glad that a conversation with friends got me thinking because that is what I need to do to make myself think and feel differently.

Preparing for Class

Today was a quiet day and because of that I am having a difficult time finding something to write about. So I decided to just write about one of my activities that I did today. It is pretty mundane but it at least gives me something to post.

So what did I do today that I decided to blog about - well I prepared. Tomorrow I am going to Albuquerque with friends. We have a few things planned but the main reason is to attend a class. This is a craft type class - more specifically a book making class. It is being held at Papers! in Nob Hill. The end product is going to be a book that is wired bound. I am really looking forward to the class because I love learning new ways to do things.

The announcement for the class included a note that you could bring things to collage in your book. Since Thomas and I recently returned from a trip to the Oregon Coast I decided that I could put together a book that documents some of the highlights of the trip. I went through all the pictures that I had taken while on the trip (all 1171 of them). I picked some that where part of a group and some that were part of an activity. The rest that I choose were pictures of things or places we really enjoyed. I sized the pictures to what I wanted and then printed them out. cut the pictures from the pages I printed. I next made a few fold outs with groups of pictures and then organized the rest of the pictures so that I can use them tomorrow. When we travel I usually collect brochures, ticket stubs and various other things. So I went through all of that stuff as well. I choose some things that I might want to use tomorrow and put them with the pictures. Next I went through all my craft supplies. I found some stickers and embellishments that go along with the trip - so I add that to my growing stash of things to use in the collage. Since I am bringing that stuff I would need a container and since I had a container I decided to add a few pens, scissors, glue, ruler and a few other things. Everything is packed neatly and ready to go - I am hoping all this preparation helps make it easier to enjoy learning how to make the book and putting the collage together.

I know it seems like a lot of work just to make a book but I wanted it to be a nice reminder of our trip. And besides being prepared for things always makes me more relaxed and I am able to have a better time. I am looking forward to tomorrow.

Mmmmm Pizza!

But not just any pizza! Pizza Village pizza! But not just any Pizza Village Pizza! It has to be a Dupe Special.

Imagine a very thin and extremely crispy crust and then cover that crust with a savory sauce - I said cover, not flood. Sprinkle some cheese over the sauce, just enough for flavor without over powering anything. Now add pepperoni slices, small bits of hamburger and tiny shrimp. Finally add just the perfect seasonings and there you have a Dupe Special. Ça Ç'est Bon!

Oh man, the more I think about it the more my mouth waters. I really love this place. I first ate here when I was in high school. On Friday nights after the football games it was a race between Carencro High and Northside High to see which school could get there first and fill the place. Northside had an advantage because there school is only a few blocks from Pizza Village. I went to Carencro and we had our fair share of getting there first.

Can you believe that with all the amazing food down in Cajun Country my favorite is pizza. Now don't get me wrong as a Cajun there are quite a few food items that I miss now that I don't live there anymore. I try to get a good sampling of my favorite foods when I visit but it is hard to get all my favorites each time but one thing I never miss out on is pizza from Pizza Village. I always save one meal for this place and I always get the Dupe Special. But all their pizzas are good. They also have great salads and I usually share one with someone just because I have to leave room for the pizza. I have also been known to have them make me a few (only partially cooked) and I freeze them and bring them home with me. I can then have one every now and then to tide me over until my next visit to Lafayette.

I am sure there are people out there that would disagree with me about the pizza here but I don't really care. I have fond memories of this place and I love the food, atmosphere and service. So if you ever find yourself in Lafayette, LA drive to 1935 Moss St. and give it a try - I think you will it enjoy it.

Thomas the Ghost

Back at the beginning of 2008 I decided to take pictures everyday and post those pictures on a blog. I decided to do this so that I could learn more about photography and learn to look at things differently. My photography is getting better and I definitely look at things differently. You can see some my photos at As I See It 2008 and As I See It 2009. Because of all this picture taking I have been reading lots of different blogs and looking at lots of different photos and investigating lots of different websites. On Halloween I was looking at different websites and I came across an article on how to photograph ghosts. Well, I haven't seen any ghost around the house lately so I had to make a decision if I was going to be able to complete this challenge.

Someone had to become a ghost and since I was taking the picture it turned out to be Thomas. Now don't go getting all worried or upset. As soon as the picture was taken I resuscitated Thomas and all is back to normal. I really had fun with this project and I loved learning how to manipulate photos for different effects.

You Can't Repeal Love

In May of this year the Maine legislature passed a bill to allow same sex couples to wed and the Governor signed that bill into law. Yesterday the residents of Maine voted to repeal that law. This makes Maine the 31st state to oppose gay marriage by popular vote. Currently there are five states in the Union that allow gay marriage - Massachussetts, Vermont, Connecticut, New Hampshire and Iowa. So are we to assume that because 31 states don't want gay marriage and only five approve of it that it is wrong. To me all I get out of it is hate and discrimination. One of the main reasons that opponents of gay marriage give is that it is morally wrong, that the bible condemns homosexuality.

Now, I am not an expert on the bible but I do know that most people who use the bible only use it when it suits them. What I do know is the basics of how you treat people and I know the ten commandments and the golden rule. I feel that if you live by the ten commandments and you do unto others then you are doing pretty good - especially since we know that all humans are infallible - even though most of the religious right seem to think they are perfect and can dictate their beliefs on everyone else. I am not just being emotional and I am not making generalizations. I am speaking from experience.

I have been in a committed relationship for 20 years now but to the moral majority (and I use this term with tongue in cheek - because most of them are no more moral than I am and they are certainly not the majority - they just act like it) that doesn't mean anything. The reason I bring this up is I am trying to prove a point, actually several. First, most religious organizations can't even get along with themselves. Look back in history and you can see consistently how factions of one religion broke off because they had different beliefs - they couldn't even work out their differences - couldn't they have prayed together to solve their problems (I mean really - I can't tell you how many times that people have told me they will pray for me). On a more recent and personal experience one of Thomas' brother left his church. He and about half the congregation decided they couldn't get along with the rest of the church so they left. He even worked for them and quit his job over it without having another job to go to. Now should I trust this guy to make a decision about whether or not I should be allowed to marry the man I love. Second, most religions agree that sex before marriage is morally wrong and living together before marriage is also wrong. My dad recently got remarried. He had been living with his current wife for about 10 years before they actually got married. Why did they wait so long? The woman he married was divorced and she was waiting to get an annulment from the church so they could get married in the church and they did. So the matter of them living together was overlooked by the church. So it seems if you pay the church to erase your first marriage then you can remarry in the church and all is good in the world. Don't you think God still knows what you did and just getting a human to erase it on paper makes it okay in the eyes of God. Third, let's talk about honoring your mother and father. Thomas has four brothers and none of them do anything to help out with taking care of his dad and they weren't very much help when his mom was sick as well. I remember Thomas' mom crying and disappointed because one of his brothers had to do things with the church so he cancelled coming for Thanksgiving dinner. So the two gay guys take the responsibility of taking care of the parents but are not allowed to get married. I write these things so that the flaws of the religious are shown and so that maybe people can see that their thinking and justification of opposing same sex marriage is just that - flawed.

There is a rumor out there that quite a few people believe that homosexuals have a choice in their sexual orientation and that they can choose not to be homosexuals. Really! So I guess one morning I woke up and decided I was going to be attracted to men. For what reason - so I could be taunted and teased, so that I could be beaten up in the locker room in high school, so I could be condemned to hell, so I could be denied the right to see my partner if he is in the hospital, so I could be denied the right to marry the man I love and get all the same rights and privileges associated with that union. So I pose to you heterosexuals who see homosexuality as a choice - did you choose to be heterosexual? So, if you did couldn't you just as easily choose to be homosexual? I thought not. Please use reason with this, I am gay because I am gay - that's it - there is no mystery and I don't need anyone to find a 'gay gene' to prove why or why not someone is gay. It wasn't the way I was raised, it wasn't the way I was treated, I wasn't recruited and I certainly wasn't brainwashed - I was born this way - I am a child of your God and I know he loves me as I am even if you don't. And I know in my heart I don't have to be heterosexual to be loved by God.

All this fighting to deny rights to other humans is just crazy and the reasons are even crazier - like the one that if they allow gays to marry each other then the next thing that will happen is that people will want to marry their dogs. That is really insulting - I am now nothing more than a dog - just because I am gay I am no longer human. If the opponents of gay marriage really believe this then I feel that their IQ is severely compromised and how can people take them seriously.

There are so many other crazy reasons that they are using and you can read all of them at Gay Marriage: The Arguments and the Motives. I am not a proponent of outing gay people - I feel that each individual has the right to live their life as they see fit. But I am encouraging, pleading and even begging any gay individual that hasn't talked to their family and friends about it to dig deep within themselves and come out. As we talk to family, friends, coworkers and anyone else we are close to people will be more comfortable with homosexuality and I know in my heart that one day we will have all the rights that we are suppose to have. And to the people who are using religion to fight gay marriage I say to you - I don't want or need your blessing or the blessing of the church but I do expect the legal recognition from the government that I pay taxes to and for whom I vote. Fortunately this is only a setback not an end. Gays will not go away because of this. We have been around since the beginning and we will be here until the end and we will eventually get the right to marry legally with all the benefits.

Remembering A Friend

Today is an anniversary. The memories associated with this anniversary are both good and bad. One year ago today we had to let our wonderful bulldog Boudreaux go. He had been getting weaker and he also had a very large tumor on one of his legs that really made it difficult for him to walk. I have so many good memories of Boudreaux. He was a very loving dog and loyal to no end. He had a very sweet disposition and would constantly follow me around the house. During the day when we were at work or running errands he would stay in the house and greet us warmly when we returned. When we traveled to Lousisana to see my family for Christmas he would accompany us on those trips. He really traveled well and loved being in the car. He also loved attention - he always wanted to be petted but his favorite thing was to be rubbed on his belly. I really miss him and the house has had an emptiness that I don't think will ever be filled. On that day one year ago my heart was broken and it was one of the saddest days of my life, of course with time I am feeling better and I know we did the right thing by Boudreaux. My memories of his twelve years with us are still vivid and I treasure each and every one of them. So here's to Boudreaux - I love you and miss you my friend.

A Little Sand, A Little Soda, A Little Lime and A Lot of Heat

***A Quick Note: The Oregon Coast Visitors Association saw this post and put it on their website under Stories from the People's Coast. If you have a moment go to the following link and leave a comment for my story and I may have a chance to win a prize. Thanks!
A Little Sand, A Little Soda, A Little Lime and A Lot of Heat

A few weeks ago we were on vacation on the Oregon Coast. One of the things that caught my attention was the prospect of looking for and possibly finding glass floats. At one time Japanese Glass Floats could be found along the coast but the chance of finding one now is pretty slim. These floats were used on nets by fisherman and sometimes the float would break off the net and eventually find its way across the ocean to the Oregon Coast. Now a days some towns along the Oregon Coast place modern floats blown by glass blowers from the area on the beaches. They are usually placed between the vegetation line and water. Sometimes they are hidden in plain site or hidden behind beach junk. So on a couple of occasions we took some long walks on the beach and looked for tidepools, sea shells and floats. We found the tidepools and the sea shells but the floats eluded us.

While driving through Newport one day we saw an art glass studio and noticed a sign for glass blowing classes to blow your own float. We didn't stop that day - we just kept driving to our destination. The next day happened to be a cloudy and rainy day. We did manage to get in a three mile hike before we decided that we had had enough of being wet. So we made a choice to abandon the outdoors and find something to do indoors out of the weather. We returned to Newport and made our way to The Edge Art Gallery. We thought if we couldn't find a glass float we would make our own. So we went in and inquired about the class. They informed us that they didn't have a class that day but we could come back the next day. Unfortunately we couldn't make it back the next day. So we decided to look around the gallery and maybe just buy a float. Then we were completely surprised - they decided to make the time for a class just for the two of us. Now that's what I call customer service and good business. Going out of your way for the custormer - what a novel concept.

We read a brief safety letter and signed a consent and then the instructor took us back to the studio. The instructor's name was Jeff. A young man who was very pleasant and went out of his way to make this experience a great one. He turned out to be an excellent instructor and he managed to make us feel relaxed while we handled molten hot glass. The first thing he did was explain the process from beginning to end while demonstrating each part. Then it was time for us to begin. We first got to choose our colors. I picked three different greens (one that was a little iridescent) and one blue, Thomas picked a bright blue and white. I made my float first and then Thomas made his. The steps were the same for both floats so I will just go through them once.

Jeff picked up a glob of glass from one of the furnaces and then turned the blow pipe over to me. I had to keep turning the blow pipe so that the glass didn't just fall to the ground and to keep the glass in a crude ball. Then I had to put the glass into another furnace to heat it up. Once it got hot enough I took it over to a table where Jeff had spread out little chips of glass - these chips were the three colors of green that I had picked out. They were mixed together and I just rolled the hot glob of glass through the chips until the entire glob was covered. Then I reheated the glass and again rolled it in the chips. This was done four or five times. All the while I kept the blow tube turning and the glass centered. I reheated the glass in the small furnace and then took it to a bench. I sat on the bench and rolled the tube on the supports to keep the glass centered while I took a large pair of scissors and stabbed the glass and twisted it. This was done to create swirls with the color. I did this three times - heating and twisting then Jeff took the blow tube and went to the large furnace to add more clear glass over the green color. He returned it to me and I reheated it and then went to the table with the colored chips - this time Jeff had spread out the blue ones and I rolled the glass through the chips only adding minimal color. I rolled the glass on a flat table to smooth it out a little and give it a little shape. Then the glass was heated up again and then it was back to the bench to twist the color again. After two times of this I heated the glass up and then Jeff blew a bubble into the glass to get it started. Then he reheated the glass and I sat at the bench with a wooden form while Jeff placed the glass into the form and shaped it. Then we switched places and Jeff attached flexible tubing to the blow tube. He kept the blow tube rolling on the supports to keep the shape while I blew into the tube to expand the float to the size I wanted. At the same time Jeff used scissors to make a weak spot on the glass just before the tube so that it could be separated from the tube. He then held the glass over a padded bowl and I tapped the tube with a wooden paddle and the float separated from the tube and fell into the bowl. Jeff added a loop to the top so that the float could hang. He then transferred it to the annealer to cool.

It was an incredible experience even though we had tons of help. I really enjoyed our time learning to blow glass and I have a new found respect for the artist that create wonderful works of art with glass. We didn't get to see the finished pieces because they had to be transferred to the annealer so they wouldn't crack. We left the studio with terrific memories but without our floats. We decided to have them shipped home and we would have to wait to see them. Yesterday we were surprised when they arrived in the mail. They aren't exactly perfect but that is part of their beauty and we have a great souvenir of our time on the Oregon Coast.