A Win for Equality

Today the Supreme Court announced their decision on same-sex marriage. This is something that we have been waiting to hear about for a while now. I am over joyed that they have ruled that same-sex marriage is now legal nationwide. Thomas and I were legally married back in October 2004 in Massachusetts. Then in June 2013 the Supreme Court struck down DOMA making our marriage legal through the federal government. Later that same year (December 2013) New Mexico legalized same-sex marriage which made our marriage now legal in the state where we live and in the United States. We were extremely happy when these happened but we also realized that other same sex couples in the U.S. still didn't have that right and if we decided to move to another state we may lose the legality of our marriage. But as of today we no longer have to worry. I can honestly say that when growing up I never imagined that some of the rights and benefits we have gained would have ever come to fruition in my lifetime. I have so much hope now that the citizens of this country can begin to open their hearts and minds to accept diversity in all of its forms. I am thankful for all the people who have fought for this new right and put themselves out there so that my voice could be heard and I am thankful to the five Supreme Court Justices that voted in favor of same-sex marriage. You can read the decision at Obergefell v. Hodges. Here is the last paragraph of the decision . . .

"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization's oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law.

The Constitution grants them that right. The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed.

It is so ordered."

Which Superhero Are You?

This is what Superhero I am!
I am Superman

Superman 90% Batman 75% Robin 70% Green Lantern 60% Spider-Man 50% Supergirl 50% Hulk 50% The Flash 50% Catwoman 40% Wonder Woman 30% Iron Man 25%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz   I found this quiz on the following blogs . . . Idle Eyes and a Dormy Rambling Along in Life . . .

New York Passes Same Sex Marriage

I have been keeping up with the fight for marriage equaility in New York by watching videos from "New Yorkers for Marriage Equality" campaign. I have also read a lot of articles and watched as some of the Republican Senators came to the realization that everyone deserves the same rights. The vote last night was an incredible victory not only for New York but I think for the gay community as a whole. New York is now the sixth state to allow gay marriage and it is also the largest state to allow gay marriage. With this victory the number of same sex couples wih the right to marry will double. I was impressed with the number of celebrities and high profile people who came to the support of the New York Gay and Lesbian Community and with Governor Cuomo for his ardent support. So New York now joins Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, Iowa and the District of Columbia with legalized same sex marriage. It is a happy day!

Celebrating Gay Pride Month

It's June and it's time to celebrate Gay Pride Month! There are celebrations all around the United States including Albuquerque and Santa Fe. Why is Gay Pride in June? Well, it all has to do with some incredibly brave individuals in New York City who stood up for themselves (and indirectly for all of us) in June of 1969. The Stonewall Riots were the most important tuning point in the the fight for gay rights. I am hoping to post something a couple of times a week as my contribution to gay pride.

Another Hero

This afternoon I was reading a few blogs that I follow and came across a post with a video at Idle Eyes and a Dormy. The video is of a speech by Senator Diane Savino, a New York State Senator. She gave a very moving speech in favor of Gay Marriage. Although the bill was defeated I am very thankful to Senator Savino. I am proud to have someone like her on our side and with people like her working along side the Gay Community I know that we will get the Rights that we deserve. I was so moved by her speech that I sent her an email thanking her for the support. Please check out Senator Savino's speech - I think you will be impressed. And please pass it along to anyone you know. We can always use more help in getting the truth about Gay Marriage out to as many people as we can. Thanks for listening.

Thankful

Thomas and I had a very relaxing and quiet Thanksgiving day. It was the two of us and his Dad. We had turkey, cornbread dressing, green beans and rolls. For dessert we had apple and pecan pies. We watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade this morning while cooking and this afternoon we watched Angels and Demons and Night at the Museum. We talked about how lucky we are and how thankful we are for our lives.

I am most thankful for Thomas. At the end of December we will celebrate our 20th year together. This relationship has been so incredible and he will never really know how much I love him even though I tell him constantly. He is supportive of everything I do and is always there for me. He is the kindest, most loving person I know and I am lucky to have him. Thomas, thank you for an incredible 20 years and for everything you do and for who you are.

There are other things I am thankful for . . . family, friends, our health, our wonderful home, having jobs in these trying times, comfortable lives, freedom to travel and the ability to live our lives as we want to. We had a wonderful day and we want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!

Missing Out on the Day

Today was a beautiful day, sunny with clear blue skies and there was a chill in the air. Unfortunately I didn't get to enjoy it. Lately I have been feeling down and some days are worse than others. When I woke up this morning I was feeling okay and I started doing a few chores around the house. I then got on the treadmill but only managed to walk three quarters of a mile. I just didn't have the motivation to do more. After I stopped my walk I did manage to complete three projects I was working on. The entire morning I just kept worrying but it wasn't anything in particular. The problem is that I worry about everything I say and do and I worry about what people think. I always want to do the best I can and when that doesn't happen I beat myself up. I take things personally and I dwell on them. I can't shake it and I end up removing myself from whatever it is that I failed at.

I took a short walk on the property this afternoon and I took a few pictures. I didn't really feel like doing this but I needed to take at least one picture. I returned to the house and spent about three hours reading. I never moved. I sat in a chair and just read. There was another project that I have been wanting to do but for some reason just never got to. So I went to the computer and started working on putting a book together with the pictures from my As I See It 2008 blog. I am doing this through Blurb. They are having a special that ends this weekend. I am hoping to get it finished tomorrow morning and get it sent in.

I am glad that I got a few projects done but I really want to shake this feeling of sadness. Unfortunately at this time I have given up on a hobby that I was involved in and I have done some thinking about it. I thought that I could continue with the hobby but everytime I think about it I just get more sad. I am trying to work on things and trying to enjoy things without putting too much pressure on myself. The day wasn't horrible but I didn't get to enjoy the beautiful weather the way I would have liked.

Filled Up With Memories

Tonight we had a Netflix night. We watched Disney Pixar's Up. I really liked this movie. It was a great way to end the week. The last few weeks I have been feeling down and this was just the lift I needed.

Up is the story of a 78 year old man and an 8 year old boy. A very unlikely pair. The 78 year old man - Carl Fredricksen is just a boy himself when the movie begins. He has a hero named Charles F. Muntz. He meets a girl named Ellie and they realize they have the same hero and a lot of common interests. Ellie has a scrapbook that she titled 'My Adventure Book' and she admits that one of her dreams is to move her clubhouse to Paradise Falls. Their story continues as they grow up, get married and have their own adventure called life. They never make it on any big adventure. After Ellie dies Carl decides to move their house to Paradise Falls when the courts force him to move into a retirement home. So he attaches a ton of balloons to the house and takes off. What he didn't realize was that he had a stowaway - Russell. An 8 year old boy who is a Junior Wilderness Explorer and is trying to earn his last badge so that he can become a Senior Wilderness Explorer. Their adventure takes them all the way to Paradise Falls and when Carl gets there he opens Ellie's scrapbook to put a picture of Paradise Falls in the book. At this point he realizes that Ellie has already filled the book with all the adventures of their life - none of them were the adventure she first dreamed of but they were still important to her. There is a note at the end of the book that Ellie left for Carl to go on and live his own adventure and that is what he does - he and Russell have a great adventure.

Now I enjoyed the entire movie - it was wonderful. But what I really loved about the movie is the way they emphasized that we don't need grandiose, over the top excitement to have an adventure. Everyday of our lives is an adventure if we just look for it. It was incredible how Ellie filled her book with their wonderful lives. It really got me to thinking about some of the things that Thomas and I have planned and haven't been able to get to yet. It doesn't seem so urgent to do all these things - if we get to them great but if we don't that is okay as well - I know we will have a wonderful life. It has been wonderful up to now.

We have taken a trip to Europe, two trips to England, spent time in Vancouver and Victoria in Canada and seen a quite a bit of the United States. They were all great trips but after watching Up I started thinking about some of the simpler things. Like hiking up to Raven's Ridge and sitting on rocks at the edge, enjoying the views and watching chipmunks running around us. And cross country skiing on our property after a good snowfall. Spending an entire Saturday lying in bed and reading. Redecorating the house room by room. Road trips to anywhere (we really love driving together and spending time in the car - it gives us a chance to really talk). Taking walks in the arroyo behind our house. There are thousands of other things we have done that were our own adventures - plenty to fill a scrapbook with. This movie really made me smile and brought up a flood of memories that span the 20 years Thomas and I have been together. Thanks Disney I really needed that.

A Day of Catching Up

I woke up this morning with the intention to get a couple of things done around the house and then head out to run errands. But you know how plans change. I made some coffee while still in my pajamas. Once the coffee was done I put on my thick terry cloth robe and went outside. It was a cold crisp morning with lots of sun. I sat on the porch and drank my coffee, listened to the birds and enjoyed the briskness of a beautiful Fall morning. I ended up staying out on the porch for about an hour. Then I went back inside and took a shower and got dressed.

I then spent about 10 minutes catching up on email and while I was at the computer I needed to get some pictures posted on my As I See It 2009 blog. I had gotten behind in my posting. I had a folder with pictures picked out up until yesterday. So I picked one from yesterday and while I was having coffee this morning I had taken a few shots and liked one of those. So now that I had all the pictures picked out I started posting them. It took me a little while because I was 12 days behind. Well I got caught up and it felt good to have all those up on the blog. So I shut down the computer and moved on to the next little project, cleaning the house. It didn't take me too long to get the house clean, I had done some cleaning just a few days ago. As part of the cleaning i also did two loads of laundry and watered all the plants.

Once that was completed I thought about what else needed to be done and I decided I didn't care what else needed to be done. It was a beautiful day so I grabbed my book and went sit out on the porch and read. I was pretty close to the end of the book so I just stayed out there until I finished. I left the book on the chair and Daisy and I went for a walk - it ended up being about a two mile walk and then we returned home.

Since today seemed to be about playing catch up and getting things completed I decided to get the bills and accounts done. There wasn't much to be done and I was finished in about 30 minutes. So I then dealt with all the little papers that were strewn all over my desk. By the time I finished I had a clear desk. There were a few other things that I took care of and then got everything ready for work tomorrow. By this time Thomas was home and we sat down for dinner and after dinner we relaxed and watched Star Trek. Now I am getting this post done and the I can say that I had a very productive day and feel like I am caught up and ready for the weekend.

Room for Improvement

I have some issues and I have been working on them. The biggest issue I am dealing with is low self esteem and lack of self confidence. On a day to day basis I deal with it okay. But there are times that I feel like a fish out of water and I just worry about everything I say and do. It happens a lot when I am with groups of people. I second guess everything I say and do and when I leave the group I worry about what they thought about everything I said and did. I am also a perfectionist. Whenever I do something I over think it and I always find fault with it - without exception. It seems that I don't want to find the good in things. But it isn't a conscious effort - the negative just overrides the positive.

A good example of this is a recent note I received related to a hobby I am involved in. The hobby is letterboxing and the note was about one of my letterboxes I have placed. The note pretty much stated that the clues I wrote for the box were worthless and because of that the person looking for the box ended up having a very bad day. Well, I took it personally (and it was - it was specific to me and my actions with this box). And it made me feel horrible. I immediately started thinking about all the negative notes I have received and they pushed anything positive about the hobby out of mind. Now this isn't the only negative note I have received but it is the proverbial straw and I have decided to back away from the hobby. Why do I want to put all this effort into creating and placing a box (this is not a simple task for me - one box usually takes me about three weeks to complete from beginning to end - from research and planning to executiona and placing). I put a lot of myself into it so that the person that goes to find it has a good experience. Well from the negative comments it appears that they aren't getting a good experience. So I don't want to deal with this so I end up removing myself from the activity. Now I am not stupid and I realize this doesn't actually solve the problem but it is the coping mechanism that I have developed. This is what I am trying to change. The last two weeks have seen me take an enormous step backwards in my work. But I am not giving up and I am hoping that I can come up with a better way to deal with this and look at the negative as a learning experience and reflect on the positive aspects and know that I am doing something right.

An Unlikely Hero

It seems the Christians could learn something about compassion, love and most of all discrimination from a 10 year old boy. This 10 year old boy lives in Arkansas and has decided to not stand and say the Pledge of Allegiance until Gays and Lesbians have the right to marry. He stated in an interview with CNN that the reason he decided this was because of the last few words of the Pledge - "with liberty and justice for all". He feels that if Gays and Lesbians aren't allowed to marry then how can we believe in the Pledge. I think this insight from a 1o year old is amazing and yet supposedly mature adults have these incredibly closed minds. I wish I had the strength and courage of this young man. Don't get me wrong I don't hide in a closet but I am not out there fighting for this right. My family and friends know I am gay and most of the people at work know I am gay but now that doesn't seem to be enough. I am not sure what I am going to do about it but it seems like I need to take action. I will never be able to thank this young man (by the way his name is Will Phillips) for his support of my rights.

I guess I never really thought about the Pledge and I am glad that this came up. When you think about the entire country for years has been saying that every American should get justice. This is the exact point that people who support Gay Marriage are trying to get across. We want the same rights that all Americans want and we want the right to get married. Now this part is for the Christians - we don't want your blessing or the support of the Church. We want our legal right to marry so that the families we have built are protected by the government that we contribute to. Thank you Will Phillips - you are my new hero.

Running on Low Energy

I slept in today, it was 8:30am before I got out of bed. And when I did get moving it was pretty slow. I mustered up enough energy to walk three miles on the treadmill. But I walked a lot slower than normal so it took me a little longer than it usually takes me. Once I worked through my exercises I took a shower and got dressed. Thomas then took me to Lithia to pick up my car (I finally got it back after almost a month in the shop. Lithia has lost a customer - horrible service), and then I had to run two quick errands - I needed to go to the post office to mail a package and then to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. I wanted to take pictures but I wasn't sure where to go and I really didn't have that much energy. I finally decided to drive to Randall Davey Audubon Center on Upper Canyon Road. I only spent about 20 minutes there and only took a few pictures. I just wasn't feeling like doing too much and it was getting colder. So I left and drove straight home. Once I got home I picked up the book I was reading and sat and read for about an hour. I only read for an hour because I got really sleepy and ended up taking an hour and a half nap. I don't usually take naps and so this was weird and I am not sure why I am so tired. After waking up Thomas and I talked about what we wanted to cook for dinner and then started cooking. While we ate dinner we watched a movie (The Botany of Desire). The movie was pretty interesting but by the end my eyelids were feeling pretty heavy. But I managed to find a last jolt of energy to get a blog post tonight for NaBloPoMo. So now that I got this post done it is off to bed. I am hoping that I have more energy tomorrow, I have a few things to get done.

A Relaxing Day

Today was a very relaxing day. I decided I didn't want to put a lot of effort into it so I just did what I felt like doing when I felt like doing it. I really was not in the mood to do much - especially if it meant that I had to exert any amount of effort. So here is a list of what I did today.

1. Had a cup of coffee and watched TV for an hour.
2. Had second cup of coffee out on the porch and read for a little while.
3. Paid a few bills.
4. Took a walk on the property and took a few pictures.
5. Sat in the recliner and read some more.
6. Had a tomato and cucumber salad for lunch.
7. Took a walk on the Dorothy Stewart trail, sat on a bench and enjoyed the views, took some pictures.
8. Returned home and worked on a book binding project.
9. Watched three episodes of Bones.
10. Walked three miles on the treadmill.
11. Soaked in the jacuzzi tub.
12. Blogged.

Not a terribly interesting day but I did manage to avoid any type of responsibility (except for the bill paying). It was a nice day but I am still feeling pretty down. I did make some decisions about whether or not I wanted to continue participating in a hobby. For now I am taking a break - we will see what happens next year.

A Few Dozen Steps Backwards

Yesterday I wrote about trying to think more positively. I thought it was working but today is totally different. In the last 24 hours I have had some very negative comments sent to me and it just deflated me. I got really defensive and wrote back. My comments were not received well. And I understand why - I wrote back in the heat of the moment and I let my emotions get the best of me. I am very thin skinned and I don't take criticism well. If I hear something negative it just triggers all kinds of emotions and I get very down on myself. I spent most of today taking walks and thinking about things. I wasn't able to get out of the funk. I am still very down and have distanced myself from the activity that brought about all these feelings. I guess I have more to work on than I thought. I am hoping that I can work through these feelings quickly and get back to feeling positive. But when you have been told you are worthless since you were a kid it becomes ingrained and it doesn't take much for those feelings to surface again. It amazes me that no matter how many positive things I hear it is only the negative ones that I remember. Maybe one day I will feel normal and good and have a little self confidence. But for now I am going to lay low and hope that things get better soon.

Thnking Differently

Today was a nice day. This morning I did a few things around the house and then got my stuff ready to go to Albuquerque with friends. Diane and Peggy picked me up sometime after noon and we headed south. We talked along the way about a lot of different things - one which really got me thinking (I'll get to that a little later).

Once we arrived in Albuquerque we did some letterboxing, then went to have a little dinner before going to our book binding class at Papers. It was a great day with friends and the weather was perfect and the class was really good.

But now about that thing that got me thinking. A couple of years ago there was a little incident that happened that changed some things. I know that sounds very vague but the details of the incident aren't really important - what is important is what I feel about it. And what I feel about it is very self conscious. One thing about myself that I don't like very much is my lack of self confidence. I can usually tolerate some criticism but it depends on how it is delivered and under what circumstances. What I can't deal with is negative comments that come up often. It makes me feel stupid and inadequate and then I usually withdraw from whatever I was doing that drew the negative comments. Let me give you an example - you know when you are at a birthday party and it is time to sing Happy Birthday. I have been laughed at and told so many times that my singing is awful and I can't carry a tune. So now I won't dare sing in public, maybe at home or in the privacy of my car. There have been many times in my life when I have been told that I was bad at something or where I was told I was wasting my time doing something so I stopped doing those things. Now don't get me wrong it isn't like I never heard anything positive it is just that for some reason all the negative things override any of the positive things. I also find that I withdraw from people when these things happen. Most of the time I just feel like there is so much to deal with in life that why should I hang around people who I feel make me think bad about myself (not sure if that makes sense) or participating in activities where I am constantly reminded how I don't measure up. I realize I am not perfect and I can't make everyone like me or I can't succeed at everything I do or that all of my actions will win praise but I would like to feel good about myself without withdrawing from things. I am working on that - I am trying to look at all things and find something positive about it and not let it bring me down. I am finding it hard to change my thinking. I have gotten a little better but there are times when things happen and I find myself feeling really bad. The first thing I do is start thinking negative and I have to catch myself and change my thinking. This is something that is important to me - I am tired of feeling that I can't do anything good or positive. I really want to feel like my life is good and that in some way I have contributed something (no matter how small) to this world. And I want to feel good about myself and not self conscious when I am around other people. I want to feel like no matter what I do or say and no matter what comments are generated from them that it is okay. I am working on it, so hopefully soon things will change. I am glad that a conversation with friends got me thinking because that is what I need to do to make myself think and feel differently.