A Win for Equality

Today the Supreme Court announced their decision on same-sex marriage. This is something that we have been waiting to hear about for a while now. I am over joyed that they have ruled that same-sex marriage is now legal nationwide. Thomas and I were legally married back in October 2004 in Massachusetts. Then in June 2013 the Supreme Court struck down DOMA making our marriage legal through the federal government. Later that same year (December 2013) New Mexico legalized same-sex marriage which made our marriage now legal in the state where we live and in the United States. We were extremely happy when these happened but we also realized that other same sex couples in the U.S. still didn't have that right and if we decided to move to another state we may lose the legality of our marriage. But as of today we no longer have to worry. I can honestly say that when growing up I never imagined that some of the rights and benefits we have gained would have ever come to fruition in my lifetime. I have so much hope now that the citizens of this country can begin to open their hearts and minds to accept diversity in all of its forms. I am thankful for all the people who have fought for this new right and put themselves out there so that my voice could be heard and I am thankful to the five Supreme Court Justices that voted in favor of same-sex marriage. You can read the decision at Obergefell v. Hodges. Here is the last paragraph of the decision . . .

"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization's oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law.

The Constitution grants them that right. The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed.

It is so ordered."

Goodbye, Mork!

Robin Williams

July 21, 1951 - August 11, 2014

 I was shocked and saddened when I heard today that Robin Williams was dead. He is one of my all time favorite actors. A few of the shows and movies of his that I love are . . .

Mork & Mindy

Aladdin

Mrs. Doubtfire

Hook

Dead Poets Society

Jumanji

The Birdcage

Robots

He always made me laugh. It is sad that a man that brought such joy to tons of people succumbed to depression. I love what President Obama had to say about Mr. Williams . . .

"Robin Williams was an airman, a doctor, a genie, a nanny, a president, a professor, a bangarang Peter Pan, and everything in between. But he was one of a kind. He arrived in our lives as an alien -- but he ended up touching every element of the human spirit. He made us laugh. He made us cry. He gave his immeasurable talent freely and generously to those who needed it most -- from our troops stationed abroad to the marginalized on our own streets."

Robin, thanks for all the laughs! You will be missed.

2011 - A New Year Begins!

So another new year begins. It is hard to believe it is 2011, I clearly remember all the brouhaha surrounding Y2K. Isn't it funny how our country thrives on fear and Y2K turned out to be nothing. I am glad we don't have anything major to worry about as we enter into 2011.

I am hoping that the new year is a good one and that the economy will finally make a turn for the better. Thomas and I already have plans for a trip to Alaska this summer and if things work out I am hoping that we will be able to afford other trips as well. We also want to do some major landscaping in the yard and a few minor fix ups for the house. I am optimistic since Thomas has a very stable job and with my training as a Physical Therapist I know that I can always find a job.


Here is a New Year's poem I found . . .

Here are My Wishes for You...
H ours of happy times with friends and family
A bundant time for relaxation
P rosperity
P lenty of love when you need it the most
Y outhful excitement at lifes simple pleasures

N ights of restful slumber (you know - dont' worry be happy)
E verything you need
W ishing you love and light

Y ears and years of good health
E njoyment and mirth
A angels to watch over you
R embrances of a happy years!
Author Unknown

Here's wishing everyone a very happy and prosperous New Year! BTW, did anyone notice that the date is 1/1/11.

A Factual Explanation

I came across this post on a blog that I read called Idle Eyes and A Dormy. I really enjoyed Ricky's explanation and felt a connection with it. Whether you agree or not I believe it can give everyone something to think about.

A Holiday Message from Ricky Gervais: Why I’m An Atheist

Why don’t you believe in God? I get that question all the time. I always try to give a sensitive, reasoned answer. This is usually awkward, time consuming and pointless. People who believe in God don’t need proof of his existence, and they certainly don’t want evidence to the contrary. They are happy with their belief. They even say things like “it’s true to me” and “it’s faith.” I still give my logical answer because I feel that not being honest would be patronizing and impolite. It is ironic therefore that “I don’t believe in God because there is absolutely no scientific evidence for his existence and from what I’ve heard the very definition is a logical impossibility in this known universe,” comes across as both patronizing and impolite.

Arrogance is another accusation. Which seems particularly unfair. Science seeks the truth. And it does not discriminate. For better or worse it finds things out. Science is humble. It knows what it knows and it knows what it doesn’t know. It bases its conclusions and beliefs on hard evidence -¬- evidence that is constantly updated and upgraded. It doesn’t get offended when new facts come along. It embraces the body of knowledge. It doesn’t hold on to medieval practices because they are tradition. If it did, you wouldn’t get a shot of penicillin, you’d pop a leach down your trousers and pray. Whatever you “believe,” this is not as effective as medicine. Again you can say, “It works for me,” but so do placebos. My point being, I’m saying God doesn’t exist. I’m not saying faith doesn’t exist. I know faith exists. I see it all the time. But believing in something doesn’t make it true. Hoping that something is true doesn’t make it true. The existence of God is not subjective. He either exists or he doesn’t. It’s not a matter of opinion. You can have your own opinions. But you can’t have your own facts.

Why don’t I believe in God? No, no no, why do YOU believe in God? Surely the burden of proof is on the believer. You started all this. If I came up to you and said, “Why don’t you believe I can fly?” You’d say, “Why would I?” I’d reply, “Because it’s a matter of faith.” If I then said, “Prove I can’t fly. Prove I can’t fly see, see, you can’t prove it can you?” You’d probably either walk away, call security or throw me out of the window and shout, ‘’F—ing fly then you lunatic.”

This, is of course a spirituality issue, religion is a different matter. As an atheist, I see nothing “wrong” in believing in a god. I don’t think there is a god, but belief in him does no harm. If it helps you in any way, then that’s fine with me. It’s when belief starts infringing on other people’s rights when it worries me. I would never deny your right to believe in a god. I would just rather you didn’t kill people who believe in a different god, say. Or stone someone to death because your rulebook says their sexuality is immoral. It’s strange that anyone who believes that an all-powerful all-knowing, omniscient power responsible for everything that happens, would also want to judge and punish people for what they are. From what I can gather, pretty much the worst type of person you can be is an atheist. The first four commandments hammer this point home. There is a god, I’m him, no one else is, you’re not as good and don’t forget it. (Don’t murder anyone, doesn’t get a mention till number 6.)

When confronted with anyone who holds my lack of religious faith in such contempt, I say, “It’s the way God made me.”

But what are atheists really being accused of?

The dictionary definition of God is “a supernatural creator and overseer of the universe.” Included in this definition are all deities, goddesses and supernatural beings. Since the beginning of recorded history, which is defined by the invention of writing by the Sumerians around 6,000 years ago, historians have cataloged over 3700 supernatural beings, of which 2870 can be considered deities. So next time someone tells me they believe in God, I’ll say “Oh which one? Zeus? Hades? Jupiter? Mars? Odin? Thor? Krishna? Vishnu? Ra?…” If they say “Just God. I only believe in the one God,” I’ll point out that they are nearly as atheistic as me. I don’t believe in 2,870 gods, and they don’t believe in 2,869.

I used to believe in God. The Christian one that is.

I loved Jesus. He was my hero. More than pop stars. More than footballers. More than God. God was by definition omnipotent and perfect. Jesus was a man. He had to work at it. He had temptation but defeated sin. He had integrity and courage. But He was my hero because He was kind. And He was kind to everyone. He didn’t bow to peer pressure or tyranny or cruelty. He didn’t care who you were. He loved you. What a guy. I wanted to be just like Him.

One day when I was about 8 years old, I was drawing the crucifixion as part of my Bible studies homework. I loved art too. And nature. I loved how God made all the animals. They were also perfect. Unconditionally beautiful. It was an amazing world.

I lived in a very poor, working-class estate in an urban sprawl called Reading, about 40 miles west of London. My father was a laborer and my mother was a housewife. I was never ashamed of poverty. It was almost noble. Also, everyone I knew was in the same situation, and I had everything I needed. School was free. My clothes were cheap and always clean and ironed. And mum was always cooking. She was cooking the day I was drawing on the cross.

I was sitting at the kitchen table when my brother came home. He was 11 years older than me, so he would have been 19. He was as smart as anyone I knew, but he was too cheeky. He would answer back and get into trouble. I was a good boy. I went to church and believed in God -– what a relief for a working-class mother. You see, growing up where I did, mums didn’t hope as high as their kids growing up to be doctors; they just hoped their kids didn’t go to jail. So bring them up believing in God and they’ll be good and law abiding. It’s a perfect system. Well, nearly. 75 percent of Americans are God-¬‐fearing Christians; 75 percent of prisoners are God--‐fearing Christians. 10 percent of Americans are atheists; 0.2 percent of prisoners are atheists.

But anyway, there I was happily drawing my hero when my big brother Bob asked, “Why do you believe in God?” Just a simple question. But my mum panicked. “Bob,” she said in a tone that I knew meant, “Shut up.” Why was that a bad thing to ask? If there was a God and my faith was strong it didn’t matter what people said.

Oh…hang on. There is no God. He knows it, and she knows it deep down. It was as simple as that. I started thinking about it and asking more questions, and within an hour, I was an atheist.

Wow. No God. If mum had lied to me about God, had she also lied to me about Santa? Yes, of course, but who cares? The gifts kept coming. And so did the gifts of my new found atheism. The gifts of truth, science, nature. The real beauty of this world. I learned of evolution -– a theory so simple that only England’s greatest genius could have come up with it. Evolution of plants, animals and us –- with imagination, free will, love, humor. I no longer needed a reason for my existence, just a reason to live. And imagination, free will, love, humor, fun, music, sports, beer and pizza are all good enough reasons for living. But living an honest life -– for that you need the truth. That’s the other thing I learned that day, that the truth, however shocking or uncomfortable, in the end leads to liberation and dignity.

So what does the question “Why don’t you believe in God?” really mean. I think when someone asks that they are really questioning their own belief. In a way they are asking “what makes you so special? “How come you weren’t brainwashed with the rest of us?” “How dare you say I’m a fool and I’m not going to heaven, f— you!” Let’s be honest, if one person believed in God he would be considered pretty strange. But because it’s a very popular view it’s accepted. And why is it such a popular view? That’s obvious. It’s an attractive proposition. Believe in me and live forever. Again if it was just a case of spirituality this would be fine.

“Do unto others…” is a good rule of thumb. I live by that. Forgiveness is probably the greatest virtue there is. But that’s exactly what it is -¬‐ a virtue. Not just a Christian virtue. No one owns being good. I’m good. I just don’t believe I’ll be rewarded for it in heaven. My reward is here and now. It’s knowing that I try to do the right thing. That I lived a good life. And that’s where spirituality really lost its way. When it became a stick to beat people with. “Do this or you’ll burn in hell.”

You won’t burn in hell. But be nice anyway.

Ricky Gervais is the writer and star of HBO’s “Ricky Gervais Out of England 2: The Stand-Up Special”

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One Step Closer

Yesterday was an incredible victory in the pursuit of equal rights for all Americans. Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker issued his 136 page opinion which strikes down California's ban on same-sex marriage. He stated that Proposition 8, which defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman, violates gay couples' rights to equal protection and due process, as protected by the U.S. Constitution. Kudos to Judge Vaughn. I would also like to thank Kristin Perry & Sandy Stier along with Jeffrey Zarrillo & Paul Katami. These two couples are the ones that brought this case to court. I respect their courage and appreciate what they have done to bring equal rights to all. I do realize that the fight is not over and that the opponents of same-sex marriage have probably already started working on an appeal. Even so, this victory has inspired a lot of people and I hope that these opponents realize that they can't dictate their personal beliefs on everyone. Live your life the way you want to live it. If you don't believe in same-sex marriage then don't marry someone of the same sex, but please don't tell me who I can marry. Thomas and I were married a little over five years ago in Massachusetts. Maybe one day soon that marriage will be legal in the whole UNITED States. It seems funny to use the word united when each state seperately decides who can legally marry - seems very divided. It also seems funny to use the word united when it is clear that we are divided in who should have rights and who shouldn't. Our very own Constitution guarantees in the Declaration of Independence that all people will have the same rights.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

What really bothers me is that the same people trying to control who can marry and who can't are the same people complaining that the Government has too much control over their lives and that the Government isn't upholding the Constitution. But on the other hand they are trying to get the Government to control my life. They don't believe in the Constitution unless it actually benefits them - they are trying to take away my unalienable Rights of Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. I do understand that they have their religious beliefs and that is fine. What isn't fine is them forcing that belief on me. I don't want or need their Church or their God to approve of my marriage. And if they don't believe in same-sex marriage then by all means it is their right not to marry someone of the same sex, but they don't have the right to make me accept their beliefs. I only want what the Constitution grants me. I work hard, pay my taxes and contribute to society just like most Americans - and I want (no, I DEMAND) all the same rights that they have. I demand the same legal benefits and protections that marriage brings to other Americans. Proposition 8 united the Gay and Lesbian community and soon after it was passed a NOH8 Campaign was born. That campaign grew over the last two years and I think made a big difference in this fight for equality. Today I have more confidence that my relationship and marriage will garner more respect in this country and that one day I will have all the rights that Americans are guaranteed.

Sharing the Road . . . Not!?!?!

*NOTE* - This is going to be a rant, so if you aren't in the mood don't read any further!
And it isn't going to be politically correct either - this is my blog and I am going to vent.

You always hear "Share the road." when it comes to bicycles. I always felt okay about that and it always bothered me when I read about a bicyclist getting hit by a car. But things change and that changes our mind. And of course, we all know that the bicyclist are never at fault, it is always the big, bad car drivers are always wrong. I mean let's face it - they pollute the air, they have created the hole in the ozone and anything else you can think of. In case you can't tell I am being very facetious. Yes, there are bad drivers out there just like there are bad bicyclists. I encountered three today. And it just wasn't little things it was things that could have ended very badly.

Bicyclist #1 (Female) - wearing a helmet, dressed in all the correct clothing to be the next Lance Armstrong and seemed to be doing well. Then, she came to a crowd of people (this was on the Plaza in Santa Fe where there was a 5K run and Arts & Crafts Shows going on) where she barreled through a crosswalk full of pedestrians crossing the street. Two people jumped out of the way and just missed being hit. The bicyclist never slowed down and didn't even look back to see if anything had happened. The pedestrians had a few choice words and hand signals for the bicyclist.

Bicyclist #2 (Male) - again wearing a helmet and looking like a professional bike rider - whatever that is. I was parked in a line of cars trying to exit a parking lot and there were all these cars on the street that had a stop sign ahead. So they were stopping and moving and then every now and then would let one of the cars out of the parking lot. When I was the second car in line the car ahead of me was turning left out of the parking lot (the car on the street had stopped to let him turn) and all of a sudden stepped on his brakes and stopped int he middle of his turn. I wondered why! And then I saw a bicyclist come around the car in the street that had stopped and just kept going weaving through the cars ahead. Boy let me tell you that big bad car that was turning could have killed that bicyclist if he hadn't seen him and stopped.

Bicyclist #3 (Male) - again this was a bicyclist that had all the clothes and gear you see at the Tour de France. I was at a three-way stop and I was stopped. There were no other cars around. Directly ahead I could see a bicyclist but he hadn't quite made it to the stop sign. I start to turn right and low and behold the bicyclist turned left right in front of me - he didn't even slow down much less stop at the stop sign. Luckily I wasn't going fast and slammed my brakes on to avoid hitting him. I did sit on my horn for a good 30 seconds (secretly hoping that the noise would have scared him and he would have fallen off his bike). The road we both turned on is a 25mph road, so I was going slow and that meant that I didn't need to pass the bicyclist. On this road are four stop signs at street along the way and then you get to a signal light at a major intersection. This bicyclist did not stop at any of the stop signs. He even went around other cars that were stopped at the stop signs. Just before the signal light he put his left arm straight out to turn left onto a side street. He cut in front of the car in front of me - he never looked back to see if it was safe. I would say that the car and the bike were pretty close seeing how fast the car put on their brakes.

My point? I have had enough of this sharing the road crap and always hearing how bad the cars are. Roads were meant for cars not bikes. Roads are paid for by cars not bikes. So here are my thoughts and I don't care if you like them.
Since anyone driving a car needs to take a test and get a driver's license I feel that every bicyclist that wants to ride on the road should have to take bike safety lessons, take a test (written and practical), pass the test and pay for a rider's license.
They should also have to register (yearly) their bike and get a license plate for the bike (and pay for that as well). Someone has to pay for those bike lanes and it shouldn't be the cars (we already pay for our driver's license, license plates and gas which go to the roads). I don't mind paying for that since I use the road but I don't want to pay for bike lanes. These idiots today really pissed me off - you could tell just by their actions that they think they own the roads - they didn't want to share, they wanted everyone (pedestrians and drivers to yield to them).

If they want to share the road then they need to obey every traffic rule and sign that cars have to obey. Stop at every stop sign and only go when it is clear. Stop at pedestrian crosswalks (especially if there is someone crossing). Use turn signals at all time (and I will reiterate this for cars as well). Etc., Etc., Etc.! If they break these rules they should be ticketed just like a car would be if caught.

This is how I feel and I am glad I vented - if you want to share the road then practice what you preach. I realize that not every bicyclist is bad and it would be nice if bicyclist would realize that not all drivers are bad. When an accident happens it could just as well be the bicyclist's fault not the driver's fault - I witnessed three acts of reckless bicycling in the span of about an hour so my guess would be that there is a lot more of that going on.

I'm a Total 'Gleek' . . .

. . . and tonight's episode was the best one yet. It was all Gaga and there were so many emotions.
Some of my favorite parts . . .
* When the girls (and Kurt) dressed all Gaga and sang Bad Romance - fantastic!
* Puck singing Beth to Quinn - touching.
* Rachel and Coach Corcoran (two incredible voices) performing Poker Face - sounded great.
* Tina making Principal Figgins believe she was a vampire - a little silly but funny.
* Coach Corcoran singing Funny Girl - I love Idina Menzel.
* Finn wearing an over-the-top red shower curtain and coming to Kurt's defense - the show of a true man.
But the highlight of the show tonight for me was . . .
* Kurt's Dad's speech.
Being a gay man I believe every gay man would have loved to hear this from his father when he was a teen struggling with all the feelings of being gay. Support from your father would make an incredible difference in any young man's life but the effect it would have on a gay man's life would be astounding.
If I hadn't already been a Glee Fan tonight would have hooked me. I applaud everyone associated with Glee for covering all the things teens have to deal with and not sugar coating it. I hope this show last for a while.

I Did It!

Well it is November 30th and this is my 30th post. So I managed to crank out 30 post in 30 days and I completed NaBloPoMo. It was much more difficult than I thought it would be trying to find something to write about. Most of the days were easy to find something to write about but there were times that I sat at the computer and struggled about what I should write and there were even times I had to come back to the computer two or three times to complete a post. Some of the post this month were pretty personal - not something I usually feel comfortable doing. But I found that it was a little cathartic and it felt good. Other post were nothing but fluff and probably a little boring but it got me to write. I was able to sit down, gather some thoughts and eventually get them down in words. They may not all make sense and maybe one day I will down and read them all and see what I get out of them. Even though it was a struggle on some days I have to say I enjoyed this challenge. I am not sure if I could continue writing something everyday, it was pretty challenging and a little time consuming. Maybe in a few months, after the holidays are over I may take this challenge again.

Thankful

Thomas and I had a very relaxing and quiet Thanksgiving day. It was the two of us and his Dad. We had turkey, cornbread dressing, green beans and rolls. For dessert we had apple and pecan pies. We watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade this morning while cooking and this afternoon we watched Angels and Demons and Night at the Museum. We talked about how lucky we are and how thankful we are for our lives.

I am most thankful for Thomas. At the end of December we will celebrate our 20th year together. This relationship has been so incredible and he will never really know how much I love him even though I tell him constantly. He is supportive of everything I do and is always there for me. He is the kindest, most loving person I know and I am lucky to have him. Thomas, thank you for an incredible 20 years and for everything you do and for who you are.

There are other things I am thankful for . . . family, friends, our health, our wonderful home, having jobs in these trying times, comfortable lives, freedom to travel and the ability to live our lives as we want to. We had a wonderful day and we want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!

Missing Out on the Day

Today was a beautiful day, sunny with clear blue skies and there was a chill in the air. Unfortunately I didn't get to enjoy it. Lately I have been feeling down and some days are worse than others. When I woke up this morning I was feeling okay and I started doing a few chores around the house. I then got on the treadmill but only managed to walk three quarters of a mile. I just didn't have the motivation to do more. After I stopped my walk I did manage to complete three projects I was working on. The entire morning I just kept worrying but it wasn't anything in particular. The problem is that I worry about everything I say and do and I worry about what people think. I always want to do the best I can and when that doesn't happen I beat myself up. I take things personally and I dwell on them. I can't shake it and I end up removing myself from whatever it is that I failed at.

I took a short walk on the property this afternoon and I took a few pictures. I didn't really feel like doing this but I needed to take at least one picture. I returned to the house and spent about three hours reading. I never moved. I sat in a chair and just read. There was another project that I have been wanting to do but for some reason just never got to. So I went to the computer and started working on putting a book together with the pictures from my As I See It 2008 blog. I am doing this through Blurb. They are having a special that ends this weekend. I am hoping to get it finished tomorrow morning and get it sent in.

I am glad that I got a few projects done but I really want to shake this feeling of sadness. Unfortunately at this time I have given up on a hobby that I was involved in and I have done some thinking about it. I thought that I could continue with the hobby but everytime I think about it I just get more sad. I am trying to work on things and trying to enjoy things without putting too much pressure on myself. The day wasn't horrible but I didn't get to enjoy the beautiful weather the way I would have liked.

Filled Up With Memories

Tonight we had a Netflix night. We watched Disney Pixar's Up. I really liked this movie. It was a great way to end the week. The last few weeks I have been feeling down and this was just the lift I needed.

Up is the story of a 78 year old man and an 8 year old boy. A very unlikely pair. The 78 year old man - Carl Fredricksen is just a boy himself when the movie begins. He has a hero named Charles F. Muntz. He meets a girl named Ellie and they realize they have the same hero and a lot of common interests. Ellie has a scrapbook that she titled 'My Adventure Book' and she admits that one of her dreams is to move her clubhouse to Paradise Falls. Their story continues as they grow up, get married and have their own adventure called life. They never make it on any big adventure. After Ellie dies Carl decides to move their house to Paradise Falls when the courts force him to move into a retirement home. So he attaches a ton of balloons to the house and takes off. What he didn't realize was that he had a stowaway - Russell. An 8 year old boy who is a Junior Wilderness Explorer and is trying to earn his last badge so that he can become a Senior Wilderness Explorer. Their adventure takes them all the way to Paradise Falls and when Carl gets there he opens Ellie's scrapbook to put a picture of Paradise Falls in the book. At this point he realizes that Ellie has already filled the book with all the adventures of their life - none of them were the adventure she first dreamed of but they were still important to her. There is a note at the end of the book that Ellie left for Carl to go on and live his own adventure and that is what he does - he and Russell have a great adventure.

Now I enjoyed the entire movie - it was wonderful. But what I really loved about the movie is the way they emphasized that we don't need grandiose, over the top excitement to have an adventure. Everyday of our lives is an adventure if we just look for it. It was incredible how Ellie filled her book with their wonderful lives. It really got me to thinking about some of the things that Thomas and I have planned and haven't been able to get to yet. It doesn't seem so urgent to do all these things - if we get to them great but if we don't that is okay as well - I know we will have a wonderful life. It has been wonderful up to now.

We have taken a trip to Europe, two trips to England, spent time in Vancouver and Victoria in Canada and seen a quite a bit of the United States. They were all great trips but after watching Up I started thinking about some of the simpler things. Like hiking up to Raven's Ridge and sitting on rocks at the edge, enjoying the views and watching chipmunks running around us. And cross country skiing on our property after a good snowfall. Spending an entire Saturday lying in bed and reading. Redecorating the house room by room. Road trips to anywhere (we really love driving together and spending time in the car - it gives us a chance to really talk). Taking walks in the arroyo behind our house. There are thousands of other things we have done that were our own adventures - plenty to fill a scrapbook with. This movie really made me smile and brought up a flood of memories that span the 20 years Thomas and I have been together. Thanks Disney I really needed that.

A Day of Catching Up

I woke up this morning with the intention to get a couple of things done around the house and then head out to run errands. But you know how plans change. I made some coffee while still in my pajamas. Once the coffee was done I put on my thick terry cloth robe and went outside. It was a cold crisp morning with lots of sun. I sat on the porch and drank my coffee, listened to the birds and enjoyed the briskness of a beautiful Fall morning. I ended up staying out on the porch for about an hour. Then I went back inside and took a shower and got dressed.

I then spent about 10 minutes catching up on email and while I was at the computer I needed to get some pictures posted on my As I See It 2009 blog. I had gotten behind in my posting. I had a folder with pictures picked out up until yesterday. So I picked one from yesterday and while I was having coffee this morning I had taken a few shots and liked one of those. So now that I had all the pictures picked out I started posting them. It took me a little while because I was 12 days behind. Well I got caught up and it felt good to have all those up on the blog. So I shut down the computer and moved on to the next little project, cleaning the house. It didn't take me too long to get the house clean, I had done some cleaning just a few days ago. As part of the cleaning i also did two loads of laundry and watered all the plants.

Once that was completed I thought about what else needed to be done and I decided I didn't care what else needed to be done. It was a beautiful day so I grabbed my book and went sit out on the porch and read. I was pretty close to the end of the book so I just stayed out there until I finished. I left the book on the chair and Daisy and I went for a walk - it ended up being about a two mile walk and then we returned home.

Since today seemed to be about playing catch up and getting things completed I decided to get the bills and accounts done. There wasn't much to be done and I was finished in about 30 minutes. So I then dealt with all the little papers that were strewn all over my desk. By the time I finished I had a clear desk. There were a few other things that I took care of and then got everything ready for work tomorrow. By this time Thomas was home and we sat down for dinner and after dinner we relaxed and watched Star Trek. Now I am getting this post done and the I can say that I had a very productive day and feel like I am caught up and ready for the weekend.

Room for Improvement

I have some issues and I have been working on them. The biggest issue I am dealing with is low self esteem and lack of self confidence. On a day to day basis I deal with it okay. But there are times that I feel like a fish out of water and I just worry about everything I say and do. It happens a lot when I am with groups of people. I second guess everything I say and do and when I leave the group I worry about what they thought about everything I said and did. I am also a perfectionist. Whenever I do something I over think it and I always find fault with it - without exception. It seems that I don't want to find the good in things. But it isn't a conscious effort - the negative just overrides the positive.

A good example of this is a recent note I received related to a hobby I am involved in. The hobby is letterboxing and the note was about one of my letterboxes I have placed. The note pretty much stated that the clues I wrote for the box were worthless and because of that the person looking for the box ended up having a very bad day. Well, I took it personally (and it was - it was specific to me and my actions with this box). And it made me feel horrible. I immediately started thinking about all the negative notes I have received and they pushed anything positive about the hobby out of mind. Now this isn't the only negative note I have received but it is the proverbial straw and I have decided to back away from the hobby. Why do I want to put all this effort into creating and placing a box (this is not a simple task for me - one box usually takes me about three weeks to complete from beginning to end - from research and planning to executiona and placing). I put a lot of myself into it so that the person that goes to find it has a good experience. Well from the negative comments it appears that they aren't getting a good experience. So I don't want to deal with this so I end up removing myself from the activity. Now I am not stupid and I realize this doesn't actually solve the problem but it is the coping mechanism that I have developed. This is what I am trying to change. The last two weeks have seen me take an enormous step backwards in my work. But I am not giving up and I am hoping that I can come up with a better way to deal with this and look at the negative as a learning experience and reflect on the positive aspects and know that I am doing something right.

Running on Low Energy

I slept in today, it was 8:30am before I got out of bed. And when I did get moving it was pretty slow. I mustered up enough energy to walk three miles on the treadmill. But I walked a lot slower than normal so it took me a little longer than it usually takes me. Once I worked through my exercises I took a shower and got dressed. Thomas then took me to Lithia to pick up my car (I finally got it back after almost a month in the shop. Lithia has lost a customer - horrible service), and then I had to run two quick errands - I needed to go to the post office to mail a package and then to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. I wanted to take pictures but I wasn't sure where to go and I really didn't have that much energy. I finally decided to drive to Randall Davey Audubon Center on Upper Canyon Road. I only spent about 20 minutes there and only took a few pictures. I just wasn't feeling like doing too much and it was getting colder. So I left and drove straight home. Once I got home I picked up the book I was reading and sat and read for about an hour. I only read for an hour because I got really sleepy and ended up taking an hour and a half nap. I don't usually take naps and so this was weird and I am not sure why I am so tired. After waking up Thomas and I talked about what we wanted to cook for dinner and then started cooking. While we ate dinner we watched a movie (The Botany of Desire). The movie was pretty interesting but by the end my eyelids were feeling pretty heavy. But I managed to find a last jolt of energy to get a blog post tonight for NaBloPoMo. So now that I got this post done it is off to bed. I am hoping that I have more energy tomorrow, I have a few things to get done.

Answering a Question

I worked today and it was a pretty busy day. Nothing exciting happened it was just a normal work day. So when I started to write this post I was having a very hard time coming up with something to write. So I resorted to Plinky for some inspiration. Here is the prompt I am using for this post.

What would a road trip companion learn about you when traveling with you for the first time?

They would probably learn a lot. I like to stop for oddities along the way (check out Roadside America) and I like to stop at antique shops. I also love visiting State Capitols - the buildings. I think it is so interesting to see all the different styles of buildings in each part of the country. And I love national and state parks - each one is unique and interesting.

But the absolutely most important thing someone would learn about me on a road trip is that I rarely stop for the bathroom. I can drive for hours on end without having a pit stop and if my traveling companion needs the bathroom they had better speak up or it could be a very long ride. I don't know the reason why I don't need to stop very often - maybe because I have a destination in mind and I just want to drive until I get there or maybe I just don't drink that much while on the road so I don't need to stop. Whatever the reason I always tell my traveling companion at the beginning of the trip that I don't stop often so they need to let me know when they need a break.

A Relaxing Day

Today was a very relaxing day. I decided I didn't want to put a lot of effort into it so I just did what I felt like doing when I felt like doing it. I really was not in the mood to do much - especially if it meant that I had to exert any amount of effort. So here is a list of what I did today.

1. Had a cup of coffee and watched TV for an hour.
2. Had second cup of coffee out on the porch and read for a little while.
3. Paid a few bills.
4. Took a walk on the property and took a few pictures.
5. Sat in the recliner and read some more.
6. Had a tomato and cucumber salad for lunch.
7. Took a walk on the Dorothy Stewart trail, sat on a bench and enjoyed the views, took some pictures.
8. Returned home and worked on a book binding project.
9. Watched three episodes of Bones.
10. Walked three miles on the treadmill.
11. Soaked in the jacuzzi tub.
12. Blogged.

Not a terribly interesting day but I did manage to avoid any type of responsibility (except for the bill paying). It was a nice day but I am still feeling pretty down. I did make some decisions about whether or not I wanted to continue participating in a hobby. For now I am taking a break - we will see what happens next year.

A Few Dozen Steps Backwards

Yesterday I wrote about trying to think more positively. I thought it was working but today is totally different. In the last 24 hours I have had some very negative comments sent to me and it just deflated me. I got really defensive and wrote back. My comments were not received well. And I understand why - I wrote back in the heat of the moment and I let my emotions get the best of me. I am very thin skinned and I don't take criticism well. If I hear something negative it just triggers all kinds of emotions and I get very down on myself. I spent most of today taking walks and thinking about things. I wasn't able to get out of the funk. I am still very down and have distanced myself from the activity that brought about all these feelings. I guess I have more to work on than I thought. I am hoping that I can work through these feelings quickly and get back to feeling positive. But when you have been told you are worthless since you were a kid it becomes ingrained and it doesn't take much for those feelings to surface again. It amazes me that no matter how many positive things I hear it is only the negative ones that I remember. Maybe one day I will feel normal and good and have a little self confidence. But for now I am going to lay low and hope that things get better soon.

Thnking Differently

Today was a nice day. This morning I did a few things around the house and then got my stuff ready to go to Albuquerque with friends. Diane and Peggy picked me up sometime after noon and we headed south. We talked along the way about a lot of different things - one which really got me thinking (I'll get to that a little later).

Once we arrived in Albuquerque we did some letterboxing, then went to have a little dinner before going to our book binding class at Papers. It was a great day with friends and the weather was perfect and the class was really good.

But now about that thing that got me thinking. A couple of years ago there was a little incident that happened that changed some things. I know that sounds very vague but the details of the incident aren't really important - what is important is what I feel about it. And what I feel about it is very self conscious. One thing about myself that I don't like very much is my lack of self confidence. I can usually tolerate some criticism but it depends on how it is delivered and under what circumstances. What I can't deal with is negative comments that come up often. It makes me feel stupid and inadequate and then I usually withdraw from whatever I was doing that drew the negative comments. Let me give you an example - you know when you are at a birthday party and it is time to sing Happy Birthday. I have been laughed at and told so many times that my singing is awful and I can't carry a tune. So now I won't dare sing in public, maybe at home or in the privacy of my car. There have been many times in my life when I have been told that I was bad at something or where I was told I was wasting my time doing something so I stopped doing those things. Now don't get me wrong it isn't like I never heard anything positive it is just that for some reason all the negative things override any of the positive things. I also find that I withdraw from people when these things happen. Most of the time I just feel like there is so much to deal with in life that why should I hang around people who I feel make me think bad about myself (not sure if that makes sense) or participating in activities where I am constantly reminded how I don't measure up. I realize I am not perfect and I can't make everyone like me or I can't succeed at everything I do or that all of my actions will win praise but I would like to feel good about myself without withdrawing from things. I am working on that - I am trying to look at all things and find something positive about it and not let it bring me down. I am finding it hard to change my thinking. I have gotten a little better but there are times when things happen and I find myself feeling really bad. The first thing I do is start thinking negative and I have to catch myself and change my thinking. This is something that is important to me - I am tired of feeling that I can't do anything good or positive. I really want to feel like my life is good and that in some way I have contributed something (no matter how small) to this world. And I want to feel good about myself and not self conscious when I am around other people. I want to feel like no matter what I do or say and no matter what comments are generated from them that it is okay. I am working on it, so hopefully soon things will change. I am glad that a conversation with friends got me thinking because that is what I need to do to make myself think and feel differently.