A Win for Equality

Today the Supreme Court announced their decision on same-sex marriage. This is something that we have been waiting to hear about for a while now. I am over joyed that they have ruled that same-sex marriage is now legal nationwide. Thomas and I were legally married back in October 2004 in Massachusetts. Then in June 2013 the Supreme Court struck down DOMA making our marriage legal through the federal government. Later that same year (December 2013) New Mexico legalized same-sex marriage which made our marriage now legal in the state where we live and in the United States. We were extremely happy when these happened but we also realized that other same sex couples in the U.S. still didn't have that right and if we decided to move to another state we may lose the legality of our marriage. But as of today we no longer have to worry. I can honestly say that when growing up I never imagined that some of the rights and benefits we have gained would have ever come to fruition in my lifetime. I have so much hope now that the citizens of this country can begin to open their hearts and minds to accept diversity in all of its forms. I am thankful for all the people who have fought for this new right and put themselves out there so that my voice could be heard and I am thankful to the five Supreme Court Justices that voted in favor of same-sex marriage. You can read the decision at Obergefell v. Hodges. Here is the last paragraph of the decision . . .

"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization's oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law.

The Constitution grants them that right. The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed.

It is so ordered."

The Anniversary of Our Wedding

Thomas and I met back in October of 1989. I moved to Santa Fe in December of 1989 which is when we began our lives together. Then in May of 2004 the State of Massachusetts legalized same sex marriage. Not long after Thomas asked me if I wanted to get married. Of course I said yes and the planning began.

October 11, 2004 - Provincetown, MA

We talked to a few friends and family and made arrangements for a ceremony in Provincetown, Massachusetts. It was an incredible day - even though the marriage was only legal in Massachusetts it was still a moving and emotional time for both of us. And to have our friends and family with us, supporting us made it that much more special. Today we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, a very special day as our marriage is now legal in both New Mexico and the United States. At the end of this year we will be celebrating our 25th anniversary as a couple. It amazes me that things have changed as much as they have with rights and protections for the gay community. I never really believed that I would see all of this in my lifetime. The rants of the moral majority about the sanctitiy of marriage has become laughable to me. There are so many marriages that end in divorce and it angers me that they believe that a commited gay couple getting married will wreck the sanctity of marriage. An opposite sex marriage has all the support and blessing of society - so why can't these straight people make it work. Thomas and I have had to overcome being beaten up, called names and told we are abominations and yet we have been in a loving, commited relationship for almost 25 years and now legally married for 10. And I don't think our marriage has in any way lessened anyone else's marriage. I am very proud of the life Thomas and I have built together and I look forward to the day that our marriage is legal in all 50 states. Thomas, I love you with all my heart - thank you for everything.

What Marriage Means

New Mexico Unites for Marriage is releasing this new ad to educate the public about what family and marriage mean to New Mexicans. I have to say this brought tears to my eyes. Thomas and I have been together for 24 years now and I am so thankful to have him in my life. It is wonderful to know that Thomas and I will be able to have a legal marriage in our lifetime. Thank you New Mexico.

#17

Today New Mexico became the 17th state to legalize same sex marriage.

For years now things have been changing slowly - some states chose hatred and approved constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage while other states chose to value human rights and allow gay marriage. New Mexico was pretty much in limbo. We didn't have the legal right to marry but a good thing was that we didn't have any bans on it either. But every year we tried to get gay marriage legalized in the legislature but it was either tabled or defeated. Now the New Mexico Supreme Court has finally done the right thing - they made a unanimous decision and declared that New Mexico is constitutionally required to allow same sex marriage. Here are a few links about this historic announcement.

Griego v. Oliver New Mexico Supreme Court Decision
Griego v. Oliver ACLU Announcement
New Mexico Supreme Court Rules Same-Sex Marriage Legal
New Mexico Supreme Court: Same-Sex Marriage Legal
New Mexico Supreme Court Rules Same-Sex Couples Can Marry in New Mexico

New Mexico now joins the following states in recognizing gay marriage . . .
Massachusetts
California
Connecticut
Iowa
Vermont
New Hampshire
New York
Washington
Maine
Maryland
Rhode Island
Delaware
Minnesota
New Jersey
Hawaii
Illinois
and
Washington, D.C.

Since Thomas and I were legally married in Massachusetts back in 2004 we now are considered legally married in New Mexico and for all federal rights afforded opposite sex couples. But I think we will go ahead and get married in New Mexico so we have a marriage license in our home state. I am really happy that things are changing and we now need to get marriage equality in all 50 states if this is truly the UNITED States of America.

Nine Years Ago Today . . .

. . . Thomas and I were legally wed in Massachusetts. That makes nine years of marriage (only in Massachusetts), although I think with the recent Supreme Court decisions we are considered legally married in the United States but not in New Mexico. I think we are getting closer to being married in New Mexico since some county clerks have been issuing marriage licenses to same sex couples. I think either the Legislature or the New Mexico Supreme Court will make a decision for marriage equality within the next year. So we have been married for nine years but we have been together almost 24 years. That number amazes me - with the divorce rate among heterosexuals hovering around 50% it is a triumph that a homosexual couple can make a relationship last that long with all the negative societal pressures we have to endure. Someone at work once said I was lucky to have found the right person. I both agree and disagree. I don't think that making a relationship work is all about finding the right person. That is part of it, but I feel that it takes some work as well. There is compromise in different situations, acceptance of each others quirks and faults, talking through problems and figuring out solutions and most of all finding the best in each other and supporting that. Don't get me wrong, I do consider my self lucky to have Thomas in my life and I know that we have an incredible and very special relationship. I also know that both of us have worked hard to keep it going. On December 30, 2014 Thomas and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary. We have already begun talking about what we want to do to celebrate that auspicious occasion. It will probably be a trip to somewhere we have never been - places mentioned are Costa Rica, Hawaii or South America (Peru and the Galapagos Islands). Even though this isn't the anniversary we used to celebrate our relationship we still think it is special and we do acknowledge it. It is also special since October 11th is National Coming Out Day. I feel that by living our lives openly and freely it will make things easier for young gays to come out and believe in themselves and know they are not alone. Hopefully this country will eventually remove all discrimination and religious beliefs from the law when considering the rights of individuals. So anyway - Happy Anniversary to Thomas and I and Happy Coming Out Day to all the brave and wonderful gays that have accepted themselves and have talked to family and friends about who they really are.

The "Sanctity" of Marriage

sanc·ti·ty
noun \ˈsaŋ(k)-tə-tē\
plural sanc·ti·ties
1 : holiness of life and character : godliness 
2a : the quality or state of being holy or sacred 
: inviolability 
b plural : sacred objects, obligations, or rights

mar·riage
noun \ˈmer-ij, ˈma-rij\
1a (1) : the state of being united to a person of the 
opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and 
contractual relationship recognized by law 
(2) : the state of being united to a person of the same 
sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage  
b : the mutual relation of married persons : wedlock 
c : the institution whereby individuals are joined in a 
marriage 
2 : an act of marrying or the rite by which the married 
status is effected; especially : the wedding ceremony and 
attendant festivities or formalities 
3 : an intimate or close union 

I have to say when I decided to write a post about this topic I thought it would be simple and straight forward. You know the typical stuff - gays will ruin the sanctity of marriage - but they ignore all the divorces and adultery and abuse. But I am finding it is much more than that. As you can see the definition of sanctity above clearly relates to God and religion, holding things to a higher standard per se. So if opponents of same sex marriage truly believe in the sanctity of marriage then there shouldn't be any divorce or adultery. You said vows in front of your God then you should honor them - if you don't then you really could care less about the sanctity of marriage and all you are doing is trying to impose a restriction on someone by trying to use any excuse you can think of.  As I read things I was engulfed by the obvious issues - Newt Gingrich and his cheating, divorcing and three marriages; Britney Spears and her 55 hour marriage; Kim Kardashian and her 72 day marriage; etc., etc., etc. - and I felt sadness that we as gays are being used for the destruction of marriage. There is so much divorce which for me means that we as a society are incapable of caring for one another, we can't respect each other even when we make vows to do so. Now don't get me wrong I am not judging - I know that not every relationship works out and things happen and I for one have no problem with divorce. But I am not the one spouting that gays will take away the sanctity of marriage.

I am not very religious and I truly feel that most people hide behind their religion. They use it to make themselves seem superior and to condemn others. I have never read the bible in its entirety, I have only looked things up. And usually after reading I was more confused. I never saw the bible as a "rule book" and I never saw it as a guide for how we should tell people to live. My personal thoughts on the bible are that each individual should read and use the bible (if they want to) as a resource for their own personal life and actions. As for the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule I do think there is a place for them in society. They just make sense.

Let me get back to the sanctity of marriage. I didn't actually read the bible on this subject but I did search the internet for quotes and information from the bible on this subject. I read all kinds of things. But in the end it all comes down to one thing. The sanctity of marriage is what the two people involved in the marriage believe it is. If your definition of the sanctity of marriage is one man and one woman then that is what you should do. If you believe it is open for other partners (and both parties in the marriage agree) then so be it. But under no circumstances should the sanctity of marriage be defined by what you thing everyone else should do. A marriage is between the people who enter into that commitment and them only. So no one should project there beliefs onto someone else.

For my personal beliefs I think a marriage is between two people who love each other and want to live together in a committed relationship. And I believe that the sanctity of that marriage is what the two people agree it is and as long as they honor that then I believe that the marriage is sacred. I am really tired of being told that my relationship is wrong. We have been together for 23 years and we love and respect one another. We were married in Massachusetts and that is the only place it is recognized. We all know that married couples have lots of government and social benefits that gay couples don't. So you can keep your sanctity by getting married in a church but it isn't legal unless you get a marriage license from the government. I don't really care about your sanctity, only mine. I just want the legal protections a marriage by the government provides.

The Color of Love

Today the United States Supreme Court began hearings on Prop 8 and DOMA. The next two days will determine if this is really a country built on equality. With the alarming divorce rate it is disgusting when marriage equality is used to defile the sanctity of marriage. The fight for marriage equality isn't one of religion, it is purely one of civil rights. Marriage equality will not take away anyone's religious rights - they can still marry people of the opposite sex, no one will force them to marry someone of the same sex. And further more my same sex marriage will have absolutely no impact on anyone else's marriage. I am hoping for some positive changes from the Supreme Court so that my 23 year relationship will be recognized by my country. You can follow along as the Supreme Court hears testimony at Equality on Trial. Today the Human Rights Campaign posted a red logo (the color of love) on their facebook page and since that posting it has gone viral and since I don't do facebook I am posting it here.

HRC Red Logo

New York Passes Same Sex Marriage

I have been keeping up with the fight for marriage equaility in New York by watching videos from "New Yorkers for Marriage Equality" campaign. I have also read a lot of articles and watched as some of the Republican Senators came to the realization that everyone deserves the same rights. The vote last night was an incredible victory not only for New York but I think for the gay community as a whole. New York is now the sixth state to allow gay marriage and it is also the largest state to allow gay marriage. With this victory the number of same sex couples wih the right to marry will double. I was impressed with the number of celebrities and high profile people who came to the support of the New York Gay and Lesbian Community and with Governor Cuomo for his ardent support. So New York now joins Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, Iowa and the District of Columbia with legalized same sex marriage. It is a happy day!

Wrapping Up 2010

Another year has come to an end and for the last two years I have taken the time to review those years and write a summary. I find that I actually enjoy going back and reliving our adventures. 2010 was a pretty good year, and like all years we had some ups and downs. This year started out pretty slow. In January we just got back into the swing of things after the holidays and not much happened. Maybe that was a good thing, we probably needed to relax after our trip to Louisiana for Christmas.

February was a little busier and more exciting. The month started with the New Orleans Saints winning the Superbowl. Being a native Louisianian I was extremely excited for the team and the city. Also in February Thomas and I took a trip to Tucson to get away from the cold in Santa Fe. We spent about a week in Tucson and had a really good time. We did some hiking and letterboxing - we especially enjoyed our drive along the Sky Island Scenic Byway and hiking on Mt. Lemmon. You can read all about our trip at A Trip to Tucson (Part I and Part II). Back in Santa Fe we got back to our normal routine and started planning for our next trip. When we were in Louisiana for Christmas we didn't get to see my brother. He and his wife weren't able to get away for the holidays. But they had planned to be in Lafayette for Easter so Thomas and I arranged to visit then. So at the end of March we flew to New Orleans and rented a car. We did get to do a little exploring around Baton Rouge and New Orleans as well as visit the family in Lafayette. My sisters had also asked me to take pictures of my nieces, Tori (for her graduation) and Madison (for her first communion). I had a good time taking these pictures and even though I am not a professional I think they came out pretty good. You can read about this trip at Easter Trip to Louisiana (Part I and Part II).

When we returned to New Mexico in mid April it was to some bad news. Thomas' cousin Ruth had been diagnosed with cancer back in December and had been through surgery and treatments. Unfortunately things were too far along and Ruth was too weak to continue some of the treatments. So she and her husband made the decision to stop everything and make the most of the time they had left together. Ruth passed away on April 20th. Ruth and Thomas had been pretty close as we lived next door to each other for quite a while. But a few years ago Ruth and her husband Chris moved to Albuquerque and our visits with them lessened. It was still a very sad day for us and we miss her terribly. Ruth worked as an instructor at a community college and she was also an author. She wrote books under the names R. C. Brojim and Cleo Dare.

In May I took a trip by myself to Cape Cod, MA and Rhode Island. Some letterboxing friends were having an event to celebrate their semi-retirement from letterboxing and their finding 26.000+ letterboxes. I spent a few days on Cape Cod and then made my way to Rhode Island. This was my first time in Rhode Island and I really enjoyed myself. For more details on that trip go to Happy Trails! (& 26,000 (s)miles!) Letterboxing Trip. After this trip Thomas and I spent most of the summer just hanging around Santa Fe. We did work around the house and in the garden and took day trips in the area. It turned out to be a nice, relaxing time and we got quite a bit done around the house.

Then in August we went on a trip to Maine, Vermont and New Hampshire. We had talked about going to Maine for a while but never really made any plans. One of the main reasons for the trip was a letterboxing event in Brunswick (which turned out not to be so good) and the other reason was to visit Acadia National Park. We really enjoyed this park and I would really enjoy visiting the area again. We also made a side trip to Montpelier, VT. This has to be one of my favorite State Capitals in the country. This is the smallest State Capital and I think it is one of the nicest cities. We also spent a little time in New Hampshire during this trip and you can read about the trip at The Maine Event.

September and October had us staying close to home but keeping busy as well. We attended the New Mexico State Fair and we went raspberry picking. And we took an overnight trip to Clayton, NM. And we also took a trip to the Four Corners area and spent some time in Farmington, NM. Pretty simple things but fun none the less.
During this time we also started thinking about taking a trip to Georgia to visit my brother. We had pretty much decided to go between the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays but the we got a phone call from my brother and they wanted the entire family to go for Thanksgiving.

So we adjusted our time and plans just a little and made it for Thanksgiving. We actually flew into Birmingham, AL (because Southwest didn't fly into Atlanta) and then did a little driving to Savannah, GA and then to Asheville, NC before heading to my brother's place in Acworth, GA. We really enjoyed this trip - it was the first time for both Thomas and I to visit this area. There are much more details at A Southern Thanksgiving Letterboxing Trip.

That was pretty much it for our adventures for the year. December has turned out to be pretty quiet and cold and we ended having a relaxing Christmas. There are other things that happened throughout the year. Our puppies continue to grow and they have really bonded with each other - Daisy and Buddy have really become good friends. They ended up with another brother this year. During the summer a black dog showed up on the property and would sleep under a juniper at the end of the driveway. At first we did nothing, not knowing where he came from or if he was mean. I guess we thought that he would eventually leave. But then Daisy and Buddy started playing with him and Thomas felt sorry for him and started feeding him. Thomas named him Grim (because he is black and reminded us of the Grim in the Harry Potter books and movies). We have since adopted him and got him neutered and got him his shots. He has turned out to be a great pet - we think he was abused and he was just looking for a little love. I am glad we have the space for another dog and that we can afford to take care of him.

Okay, what else - my detached retina. Things are good! I feel lucky that I have my eyesight and that the retina is attached and healthy. I am seeing an eye doctor that specializes in vision therapy and so far that is going well. I will write a post once I have finished the treatments and let you know how things have turned out. Detached Retina has the complete story. I also continued with my picture taking blog but I had some camera trouble and wasn't able to do a picture every day so I just posted a picture when I had one I wanted to share. You can see what I was able to do at As I See It 2010.

Last but definitely not least was the victories for Gay and Lesbians. Five states (Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont and New Hampshire) and the District of Columbia now have legal same-sex marriage. There are also major efforts in California and New York to get same-sex marriage legalized. And now Don't Ask, Don't Tell has finally been repealed. With Obama's signature we can now have openly gay and lesbian soldiers able to serve this country and not have to hide. Unfortunately, there were some suicides among gay teenagers due to bullying. But out of this sadness we gained some really great support. The Trevor Project, It Gets Better and Give a Damn! all came to the call for help. Don't get me wrong, we still have a long way to go but things are much better.

For me 2010 was a good year and I am looking forward to 2011.

One Step Closer

Yesterday was an incredible victory in the pursuit of equal rights for all Americans. Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker issued his 136 page opinion which strikes down California's ban on same-sex marriage. He stated that Proposition 8, which defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman, violates gay couples' rights to equal protection and due process, as protected by the U.S. Constitution. Kudos to Judge Vaughn. I would also like to thank Kristin Perry & Sandy Stier along with Jeffrey Zarrillo & Paul Katami. These two couples are the ones that brought this case to court. I respect their courage and appreciate what they have done to bring equal rights to all. I do realize that the fight is not over and that the opponents of same-sex marriage have probably already started working on an appeal. Even so, this victory has inspired a lot of people and I hope that these opponents realize that they can't dictate their personal beliefs on everyone. Live your life the way you want to live it. If you don't believe in same-sex marriage then don't marry someone of the same sex, but please don't tell me who I can marry. Thomas and I were married a little over five years ago in Massachusetts. Maybe one day soon that marriage will be legal in the whole UNITED States. It seems funny to use the word united when each state seperately decides who can legally marry - seems very divided. It also seems funny to use the word united when it is clear that we are divided in who should have rights and who shouldn't. Our very own Constitution guarantees in the Declaration of Independence that all people will have the same rights.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

What really bothers me is that the same people trying to control who can marry and who can't are the same people complaining that the Government has too much control over their lives and that the Government isn't upholding the Constitution. But on the other hand they are trying to get the Government to control my life. They don't believe in the Constitution unless it actually benefits them - they are trying to take away my unalienable Rights of Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. I do understand that they have their religious beliefs and that is fine. What isn't fine is them forcing that belief on me. I don't want or need their Church or their God to approve of my marriage. And if they don't believe in same-sex marriage then by all means it is their right not to marry someone of the same sex, but they don't have the right to make me accept their beliefs. I only want what the Constitution grants me. I work hard, pay my taxes and contribute to society just like most Americans - and I want (no, I DEMAND) all the same rights that they have. I demand the same legal benefits and protections that marriage brings to other Americans. Proposition 8 united the Gay and Lesbian community and soon after it was passed a NOH8 Campaign was born. That campaign grew over the last two years and I think made a big difference in this fight for equality. Today I have more confidence that my relationship and marriage will garner more respect in this country and that one day I will have all the rights that Americans are guaranteed.

Another Hero

This afternoon I was reading a few blogs that I follow and came across a post with a video at Idle Eyes and a Dormy. The video is of a speech by Senator Diane Savino, a New York State Senator. She gave a very moving speech in favor of Gay Marriage. Although the bill was defeated I am very thankful to Senator Savino. I am proud to have someone like her on our side and with people like her working along side the Gay Community I know that we will get the Rights that we deserve. I was so moved by her speech that I sent her an email thanking her for the support. Please check out Senator Savino's speech - I think you will be impressed. And please pass it along to anyone you know. We can always use more help in getting the truth about Gay Marriage out to as many people as we can. Thanks for listening.

An Unlikely Hero

It seems the Christians could learn something about compassion, love and most of all discrimination from a 10 year old boy. This 10 year old boy lives in Arkansas and has decided to not stand and say the Pledge of Allegiance until Gays and Lesbians have the right to marry. He stated in an interview with CNN that the reason he decided this was because of the last few words of the Pledge - "with liberty and justice for all". He feels that if Gays and Lesbians aren't allowed to marry then how can we believe in the Pledge. I think this insight from a 1o year old is amazing and yet supposedly mature adults have these incredibly closed minds. I wish I had the strength and courage of this young man. Don't get me wrong I don't hide in a closet but I am not out there fighting for this right. My family and friends know I am gay and most of the people at work know I am gay but now that doesn't seem to be enough. I am not sure what I am going to do about it but it seems like I need to take action. I will never be able to thank this young man (by the way his name is Will Phillips) for his support of my rights.

I guess I never really thought about the Pledge and I am glad that this came up. When you think about the entire country for years has been saying that every American should get justice. This is the exact point that people who support Gay Marriage are trying to get across. We want the same rights that all Americans want and we want the right to get married. Now this part is for the Christians - we don't want your blessing or the support of the Church. We want our legal right to marry so that the families we have built are protected by the government that we contribute to. Thank you Will Phillips - you are my new hero.

You Can't Repeal Love

In May of this year the Maine legislature passed a bill to allow same sex couples to wed and the Governor signed that bill into law. Yesterday the residents of Maine voted to repeal that law. This makes Maine the 31st state to oppose gay marriage by popular vote. Currently there are five states in the Union that allow gay marriage - Massachussetts, Vermont, Connecticut, New Hampshire and Iowa. So are we to assume that because 31 states don't want gay marriage and only five approve of it that it is wrong. To me all I get out of it is hate and discrimination. One of the main reasons that opponents of gay marriage give is that it is morally wrong, that the bible condemns homosexuality.

Now, I am not an expert on the bible but I do know that most people who use the bible only use it when it suits them. What I do know is the basics of how you treat people and I know the ten commandments and the golden rule. I feel that if you live by the ten commandments and you do unto others then you are doing pretty good - especially since we know that all humans are infallible - even though most of the religious right seem to think they are perfect and can dictate their beliefs on everyone else. I am not just being emotional and I am not making generalizations. I am speaking from experience.

I have been in a committed relationship for 20 years now but to the moral majority (and I use this term with tongue in cheek - because most of them are no more moral than I am and they are certainly not the majority - they just act like it) that doesn't mean anything. The reason I bring this up is I am trying to prove a point, actually several. First, most religious organizations can't even get along with themselves. Look back in history and you can see consistently how factions of one religion broke off because they had different beliefs - they couldn't even work out their differences - couldn't they have prayed together to solve their problems (I mean really - I can't tell you how many times that people have told me they will pray for me). On a more recent and personal experience one of Thomas' brother left his church. He and about half the congregation decided they couldn't get along with the rest of the church so they left. He even worked for them and quit his job over it without having another job to go to. Now should I trust this guy to make a decision about whether or not I should be allowed to marry the man I love. Second, most religions agree that sex before marriage is morally wrong and living together before marriage is also wrong. My dad recently got remarried. He had been living with his current wife for about 10 years before they actually got married. Why did they wait so long? The woman he married was divorced and she was waiting to get an annulment from the church so they could get married in the church and they did. So the matter of them living together was overlooked by the church. So it seems if you pay the church to erase your first marriage then you can remarry in the church and all is good in the world. Don't you think God still knows what you did and just getting a human to erase it on paper makes it okay in the eyes of God. Third, let's talk about honoring your mother and father. Thomas has four brothers and none of them do anything to help out with taking care of his dad and they weren't very much help when his mom was sick as well. I remember Thomas' mom crying and disappointed because one of his brothers had to do things with the church so he cancelled coming for Thanksgiving dinner. So the two gay guys take the responsibility of taking care of the parents but are not allowed to get married. I write these things so that the flaws of the religious are shown and so that maybe people can see that their thinking and justification of opposing same sex marriage is just that - flawed.

There is a rumor out there that quite a few people believe that homosexuals have a choice in their sexual orientation and that they can choose not to be homosexuals. Really! So I guess one morning I woke up and decided I was going to be attracted to men. For what reason - so I could be taunted and teased, so that I could be beaten up in the locker room in high school, so I could be condemned to hell, so I could be denied the right to see my partner if he is in the hospital, so I could be denied the right to marry the man I love and get all the same rights and privileges associated with that union. So I pose to you heterosexuals who see homosexuality as a choice - did you choose to be heterosexual? So, if you did couldn't you just as easily choose to be homosexual? I thought not. Please use reason with this, I am gay because I am gay - that's it - there is no mystery and I don't need anyone to find a 'gay gene' to prove why or why not someone is gay. It wasn't the way I was raised, it wasn't the way I was treated, I wasn't recruited and I certainly wasn't brainwashed - I was born this way - I am a child of your God and I know he loves me as I am even if you don't. And I know in my heart I don't have to be heterosexual to be loved by God.

All this fighting to deny rights to other humans is just crazy and the reasons are even crazier - like the one that if they allow gays to marry each other then the next thing that will happen is that people will want to marry their dogs. That is really insulting - I am now nothing more than a dog - just because I am gay I am no longer human. If the opponents of gay marriage really believe this then I feel that their IQ is severely compromised and how can people take them seriously.

There are so many other crazy reasons that they are using and you can read all of them at Gay Marriage: The Arguments and the Motives. I am not a proponent of outing gay people - I feel that each individual has the right to live their life as they see fit. But I am encouraging, pleading and even begging any gay individual that hasn't talked to their family and friends about it to dig deep within themselves and come out. As we talk to family, friends, coworkers and anyone else we are close to people will be more comfortable with homosexuality and I know in my heart that one day we will have all the rights that we are suppose to have. And to the people who are using religion to fight gay marriage I say to you - I don't want or need your blessing or the blessing of the church but I do expect the legal recognition from the government that I pay taxes to and for whom I vote. Fortunately this is only a setback not an end. Gays will not go away because of this. We have been around since the beginning and we will be here until the end and we will eventually get the right to marry legally with all the benefits.

Hate Will NOT Win!

I came across this the other day while surfing the net. It really touched me and got me to thinking. It seems as though our country wants to move forward but then we turn around take two steps backwards. The reality of Proposition 8 in California and all the constitutional amendments to ban same-sex marriage in quite a few states scream that we are not moving forwards but indeed backwards. I am not sure what it all means and where it will take us - and I don't consider myself an activist, but being in a 19 year relationship has to mean something. And not just to Thomas and I but to even the Christians. They can't deny that two people in a loving relationship that has lasted as long as ours is just as worthy of marriage as any heterosexual couple - especially when you look at the divorce rate. It doesn't seem right that after 19 years I have to call Thomas my boyfriend, partner or significant other - our relationship demands more respect - he is my husband. Wording is the problem here - the Christians take the word marriage in a religious connotation - and that is fine. But since I pay taxes and participate as a citizen I should have the same governmental rights as everyone else - and that means the right to marry - but not in the religious sense, in the civil rights sense. Instead of using the word marriage in the government sense maybe we should use civil unions for anyone forming a union with the government - gays and straights - and leave the word marriage for the religious ceremonies. Anyway, I will get off my soap box.

Hate Will NOT Win!
I am not AFRAID . . .

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because no one will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better persone if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight me wanted to "teach me a lesson".
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the guy who came out to the entire school in his senior speech and got a standing ovation for his courage.
I am the girl who kisses her girlfriend on the sidewalk and laughs at those who glare.
We are the couple who planned and studied and got a damn good lawyer and BEAT the state that wanted to take our child away.
We are the ones who took martial arts classes and carry pepper spray and are just too dangerous to gay bash.
I am the transgendered person who use the bathroom that suits me, and demands that any complaining staff explain their complaint to my face in front of the entire restaurant - and shares with my other transgendered friends which restaurants /don't/ raise a stink.
I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner.
I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag.
I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God.
I am making a difference. Hate will NOT win!
Anonymous

From queermarriage.com
Giggles and Musings
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Posted by writer girl

Blast From The Past

This weekend I decorated the house for Christmas. I had to do the decorating over several days because my eye would start bothering me if I did too much in one long stretch. But anyways, I finished today and all the ornaments I have bring up a lot of old memories. Thomas and I tend to buy pairs of ornaments when we travel or for special occasions - so when I take these out to hang on the tree it always takes us back through our relationship (it will be 19 years on December 30). So we had a good talk and laughed a lot remembering all of the good times. We both feel really lucky to have found each other and to have made it work for this long. It just makes you wonder why there are still a lot of people who don't want gays to marry - to me love is love - and this relationship has out lasted quite a few heterosexual marriages (the divorce rate in the US is close to 50%). Okay, I am getting off my soap box - I was talking about memories. So not only is the house decorated for Christmas, it is also filled with 19 years of great memories for Thomas and I.

1990 -and fast forward to - 2008

All the memory stuff brought up other things as well. For Christmas 1993 I made a video (very amateurish) for a group of friends from college (Arista, Paul, Tammy, Regina, Ceci and myself). The video included individual pictures of all of us with our names and birthdates, it also had video clips of us together at different times during the college years and visits after college. But the main part of the video was a silly video clip that Paul introduced to us - every time we watched it we laughed until we were crying. So I took out the video and enjoyed another little walk down memory lane. So I thought I would post the video clip here and hopefully bring some laughter to a few people. I hope you enjoy!

Sorority Girls From Hell

Some of my favorite lines from the video are . . .

She was really smart, she could see around corners and stuff.

She wore her nylons backwards, which is real tough to do.

It's pouring rain, but the rain is stopping right here, because it is scared of her too.

Her glasses are cracked on one side, so you know she is going to go nuts real soon.

Because that's how you walk when you are going to kill somebody.

Olbermann: Gay Marriage is a Question of Love

Olbermann: Gay Marriage is a Question of Love
Everyone deserves the same chance at permanence and happiness

SPECIAL COMMENT
By Keith Olbermann
Anchor, 'Countdown'
msnbc.com
updated 7:13 p.m. MT, Mon., Nov. 10, 2008

Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8. And I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.
And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics. This is about the human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them—no. You can't have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights—even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can't marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?
I keep hearing this term "re-defining" marriage. If this country hadn't re-defined marriage, black people still couldn't marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal in 1967. 1967.

The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn't have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it's worse than that. If this country had not "re-defined" marriage, some black people still couldn't marry black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not "Until Death, Do You Part," but "Until Death or Distance, Do You Part." Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.

You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are gay.
And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing, centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children, all because we said a man couldn't marry another man, or a woman couldn't marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage.

How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the "sanctity" of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?
What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don't you, as human beings, have to embrace... that love? The world is barren enough.
It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate.

You don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don't know and you don't understand and maybe you don't even want to know. It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow person just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.

This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.
But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:

"I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam," he told the judge. It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all: So I be written in the Book of Love; I do not care about that Book above. Erase my name, or write it as you will, So I be written in the Book of Love."