Saturday, November 21, 2009

Missing Out on the Day

Today was a beautiful day, sunny with clear blue skies and there was a chill in the air. Unfortunately I didn't get to enjoy it. Lately I have been feeling down and some days are worse than others. When I woke up this morning I was feeling okay and I started doing a few chores around the house. I then got on the treadmill but only managed to walk three quarters of a mile. I just didn't have the motivation to do more. After I stopped my walk I did manage to complete three projects I was working on. The entire morning I just kept worrying but it wasn't anything in particular. The problem is that I worry about everything I say and do and I worry about what people think. I always want to do the best I can and when that doesn't happen I beat myself up. I take things personally and I dwell on them. I can't shake it and I end up removing myself from whatever it is that I failed at.

I took a short walk on the property this afternoon and I took a few pictures. I didn't really feel like doing this but I needed to take at least one picture. I returned to the house and spent about three hours reading. I never moved. I sat in a chair and just read. There was another project that I have been wanting to do but for some reason just never got to. So I went to the computer and started working on putting a book together with the pictures from my As I See It 2008 blog. I am doing this through Blurb. They are having a special that ends this weekend. I am hoping to get it finished tomorrow morning and get it sent in.

I am glad that I got a few projects done but I really want to shake this feeling of sadness. Unfortunately at this time I have given up on a hobby that I was involved in and I have done some thinking about it. I thought that I could continue with the hobby but everytime I think about it I just get more sad. I am trying to work on things and trying to enjoy things without putting too much pressure on myself. The day wasn't horrible but I didn't get to enjoy the beautiful weather the way I would have liked.

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